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“Hang in there, kid. We’ve got a good chance of winning this one on appeal!”CLASSIC CARTOON, APRIL ’87

“Hang in there, kid. We’ve got a good chance of winning this one on appeal!” CLASSIC CARTOON, APRIL ’87...

humor

“Mr. Flynt likes to come here occasionally and give thanks for the three P’s: pussy, politics and poker.” CLASSIC CARTOON, DECEMBER ’02

“Mr. Flynt likes to come here occasionally and give thanks for the three P’s: pussy, politics and poker.” CLASSIC CARTOON, DECEMBER ’02...

humor

A priest and a nun were crossing the Sahara Desert when the camel they’d been riding dropped dead. After being stranded for days, they gave up all hope of being rescued. “Before I die, I’d like to see a woman naked,” the priest declared. “Sister, would you take off your clothes so I can look...

humor

Introducing Drama

Question: What’s a surefire way to introduce some drama into your home life? Answer: While screwing your wife, casually mention that her pussy isn’t as tight as her sister’s. ...

humor

Jasper

Jasper was excited when his teenage daughter got an A+ in one of her classes—until he found out that the class was sex education....

humor

The Difference Between a Slut and a Bitch

Question: What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? Answer: The slut lets you and your pals gangbang her. The bitch does too, but she gives all of you an STD. ...

humor

My Boss Is Coming

While yapping on the phone with her best friend, a secretary said, “I’ve gotta go. My boss is coming.” “Does he get mad when we talk on the phone?” the friend inquired. “Not usually,” the secretary replied. “But he just pulled out, and he’s squirting all over the back of my dress!” ...

humor

Polygamist

Question: Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? Answer: To get to the other bride. ...

humor

Twin Boys

A pair of twin boys were hiding in their big sister’s bedroom closet as she entertained her boyfriend. The boys heard a lot of panting and moaning, and then their sister sighed, “Oh, Robert, you’re in where no man’s ever been before.” One twin whispered to the other, “Wow! He must be fucking her in...

humor

Sally the Stuntwoman

After making the rounds of producers and casting agents, Sally finally made a successful contact. The stuntwoman and aspiring actress was offered a speaking role in a feature-length Western. The first day’s script called for Sally to be thrown from a horse into a clump of cacti. On the second day she had to jump...

humor

In-flight P.A. System

Not realizing that the in-flight P.A. system was still on after takeoff, the pilot said to his copilot, “Man, all I need is to take a healthy shit, then get a blowjob from the stewardess, and I’ll be all set.” When the remark was loudly broadcast throughout the plane, the shocked stewardess hurried forward to...

humor

Jewish Men and Porn

Question: Why do Jewish men like to watch porn movies backward? Answer: They like to see the part where the hooker gives the money back. ...

humor

Tracy and Emily

Tracy was complaining to her best friend Emily about her date. “That creep called me a slut.” “That’s awful!” her pal exclaimed. “What did you do?” “I told him to get out of my bed,” Tracy replied, “and take his ten friends with him!” ...

humor

HUSTLER Dictionary: Lesbian

The HUSTLER Dictionary defines lesbian opera singer as: a muff diva. ...

humor

Young Bride

A young bride’s mother had some old-fashioned ideas on marriage and passed them on to her daughter. “Never let your husband see you in the nude,” she advised. “You should always be wearing something.” “Yes, Mother,” the obedient girl replied. Two weeks after the wedding the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire...

humor

Aztec Warrior

An Aztec warrior entered the sleeping chamber of a beautiful maiden. “Bad news,” he told her. “I just found out that you’re the virgin who’s going to be sacrificed to the gods tomorrow.” “What can I do?!” the maiden shrieked. “Relax,” the warrior replied, pulling out his dick and letting it grow hard in his...

humor

Sam and Doris

Sam was feeling really horny one night, so he reached over to his wife Doris. “Not tonight,” she said. “I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning, and I’m not supposed to have sex for 24 hours before I get there.” Thinking fast, Sam patted Doris on the back of her head. “Ah, but you...

humor

HUSTLER Dictionary: Nudist Colony

The HUSTLER Dictionary defines nudist colony as: a place where men and women air their differences. ...

humor

Black Man Goes to Heaven

A black man died and went to heaven. As he tried to stroll through the pearly gates, he was stopped by Saint Peter. “Hold on! What did you do in your earthly life that was deserving of eternal bliss?” “Why, Saint Peter,” the fellow responded, “I’ll have you know that I went up to the...

humor

Golden Anniversary

Gazing at his wife’s open pussy on the night of their golden anniversary, Chet wept uncontrollably. “What’s wrong?” his spouse queried. “Fifty years ago,” Chet responded, “I couldn’t wait to eat your pussy. Now it looks like it can’t wait to eat me!”...

humor

Think Pink

Recently Hugh Hefner’s youngest son, Cooper, took to Twitter to make an announcement: Nudes were back. “I’ll be the first to admit that the way in which the magazine portrayed nudity was dated, but removing it entirely was a mistake,” he said in a quotation superimposed over a posed photograph of himself. “Nudity was never...

humor

Paid to Get Laid

There have been a lot of jokes recently about people moving to Canada, but if this sexy new law passes, Sweden will be the new home of the great American diaspora. In the northern town of Overtornea, a local councilman has suggested a paid one-hour break per week to allow workers to go home and...

humor

Hostess With the Mostest

What a time to be a woman in Oklahoma! Not only is there nothing to eat but OxyContin and sticks of salted butter, but since 2011 the state has passed 20 strict regulations cementing a wall between women and safe access to abortion. If passed, the latest bill, HB 1441, will require any woman seeking...

humor

Not so Bright-Bart

Milo Yiannopoulos is a name synonymous with controversy. He’s a contrarian who likes to go against societal norms. A Far Right homosexual is about as contrarian as you can get, but Milo found a way to kick that up a notch. After a string of recent controversies that included inciting a riot on Berkeley’s campus...