Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions

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Illustrated monthly funnies

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Dirty jokes for your dirty mind

Parodies

Unapologetic political satire

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November 2024

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Latest Articles

Well-Fucked Planet
Bits & Pieces

Well-Fucked Planet

Earth Day—a vapid, made-up holiday celebrated by self-congratulatory idiots who believe that turning organic baby food jars into candle votives and participating in drum circles will Make a Difference and...
Hello, Slattern
Bits & Pieces

Hello, Slattern

 Like a lot of media, HUSTLER did not wake up in time to smell the funeral. Most of us came in to work on November 9, 2016, dazed and confused. “Donald Trump’s Victory Proves That America Hates...
Hot Letters
Feature

Hot Letters

EVERY YEAR WE RECEIVE HUNDREDS OF STEAMY LETTERS FROM YOU, OUR READERS. HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR HOTTEST HOT LETTERS, THE BEST OF THE BEST. SO LOCK THE DOOR. WARM UP YOUR FINGERS OR YOUR FAVORITE TOY. GET...
Politics

DEA’s Reefer Madness

Legalized marijuana is a hit. The production, distribution and sale of medical marijuana is no longer prohibited in the majority of states, and even in those that have also legalized cannabis for recreational...
Politics

Kill the Death Penalty

Let’s put the Christ back in Christmas by recalling that he was put to death following a sham trial. This is a fact I pondered after interviewing a former death row inmate named Gary Tyler, who was...
Big Pussies
Bits & Pieces

Big Pussies

Leave it to Donald Trump, aka Cheeto Jesus, aka The Face Without a Man, to ruin a perfectly wonderous word: pussy. In case you missed it (if you did, consider yourself blessed): A few weeks before the U.S....
Mississippi Mud
Bits & Pieces

Mississippi Mud

Three cheers for the five bufuing freedom fighters who recently filed a federal class action lawsuit against Mississippi for its ass-backwards sodomy laws. (What is sodomy? We’re glad you asked! Strictly...
Love Is a Battlefield
Bits & Pieces

Love Is a Battlefield

Sixty years too late for John F. Kennedy’s Profiles in Courage, we pay homage this month to folks who’ve braved shame and humiliation to get themselves to the emergency room, after an initial...
Name That Dick(tator)
Bits & Pieces

Name That Dick(tator)

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The War on Smart
Feature

The War on Smart

“America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest. We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and...
#Selfies
Feature

#Selfies

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HUSTLER’s Guide to Dating Apps
Feature

HUSTLER’s Guide to Dating Apps

LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE TECH-BASED HOOKUPS WITH, IF NOT DIGNITY, AT LEAST A SOLID CHANCE OF A BLOWJOB. HUSTLER’S MAN ABOUT TOWN TESTS A FUCKTON OF DATING APPLICATIONS AND REPORTS ON THE...
OkStupid
Feature

OkStupid

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Politics

Hard Time for Private Prisons

Crime pays. At least it does for the private prison industry, which annually is allocated about 5 billion in taxpayer dollars and nets more than $600 million in profits. But those dollars...
Politics

True Patriotism

It was spectacularly great news: Freedom had triumphed, and our flag was still there. Occasionally in a nation’s history, sanity abruptly intervenes when a few heroic figures save the day by finding the...
Fucking & Football
Bits & Pieces

Fucking & Football

The word prostitution just doesn’t pack the moral outrage that it used to. So if you’re looking to upset people, try the phrase “sex trafficking.” Along with all the other dubious traditions that go...
The Orgasm Lady
Bits & Pieces

The Orgasm Lady

Firliana Purwanti, who also goes by The Orgasm Lady, has worked hard over the past several years, empowering Indonesian women to embrace their sexuality. What’s the big deal? “Womyn” have been...
Cornography
Bits & Pieces

Cornography

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Botox Anderson (collectively, from here on out, Teach ’n’ Tox) recently coauthored an editorial for Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal about the “dangers of pornography.”...
Love Italian-Style
Bits & Pieces

Love Italian-Style

Grazie to Italy’s Supreme Court, which recently ruled that public masturbation is not a crime, so long as it’s not in the presence of minors. The ruling overturned a conviction by a lower court of a...
Be All You Can Be
Bits & Pieces

Be All You Can Be

Guess what, world? We’re not a bunch of babies who can’t handle it if the soldiers serving in our military don’t all present as John Wayne. The Pentagon recently announced that transgender troops on...
Doll Ball
Bits & Pieces

Doll Ball

Maybe he couldn’t face another holiday alone. Perhaps she reminded him of the one who got away. Something inspired 55-year-old Christopher Wade to abduct a curvy brunette mannequin from a HUSTLER Hollywood...