Question: What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
Question: What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? Answer: “You are the wind beneath my wings.”...
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A guy was waiting in a doctor’s office…
A guy was waiting in a doctor’s office when the doc walked in. “I have bad news,” he told the fellow. “I’m afraid you must stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand,” the wanker said. “Why?” “Because I’m trying to examine you,” the doctor explained....
A blonde had just begun working as a hotel maid…
A blonde had just begun working as a hotel maid, cleaning rooms. One morning she was shocked to find a used condom in a wastebasket. “What?” another maid asked. “Haven’t you ever had sex before?” “Sure,” the blonde replied, “but never so hard that it took the fuckin’ skin off!”...
An anxious woman went to her…
An anxious woman went to her gynecologist and asked nervously, “Can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?” “Certainly,” the doctor replied. “Where do you think lawyers come from?”...
Friday Funnies: Here Comes the Judge! Vol. 3
Order in the court? Not today! We’re bringing you in front of the judge for a hilarious romp through the legal system, courtesy of HUSTLER’s vast archive of uproarious cartoons. All rise–and have a good laugh! “Your Honor, Mr. Walker has had too many concussions to recall all the women he impregnated and all the...
Saturday Special: Maid for You Vol. 2
Hot, half-naked chicks who’ll clean up your place—tidying up never felt so delightfully dirty. Especially when they go the extra mile and polish your pole with their skilled mouths and warm, tight, wet pussies. Go ahead, feel free to make a mess while you enjoy this collection of dick-stiffening domestic workers. Casey Calvert Crazy Fucking...
HUSTLER Two-Timers: Kylie Rocket
Welcome to HUSTLER Two-Timers, where we celebrate Honeys so nice, we’ve featured them twice! Today we’re focusing our attention and affection on Kylie Rocket, a brunet beauty from Jacksonville, Florida. Kylie made her first major impression on HUSTLER fans with the October ’21 pictorial “Fly High.” In it, the dark-haired seductress enjoyed a fat, juicy...
Max Collins, Inside and Out
Musician. Advice columnist. Social-media wag. Storyteller. Fame survivor. Join us as we go in deep with the Eve 6 singer and seemingly tireless multi-hyphenate. Max Collins has been a staple in modern rock since the late 1990s and isn’t letting up. From fronting the iconic band Eve 6 (25 years after its release, you probably...
Rocky Mountain High
There are extreme porn stars, and then there is Rocky Emerson: a porn star who goes to extreme lengths for her art (and high-altitude orgasms). The 6-4 tower of sexual power and titan of adult entertainment is always on the lookout for her next big challenge. She’s also an avid rock climber, so why not...
Summer Daze
It’s August, and the clock is quickly running out on another sizzling summer. So as not to waste a precious second of sunlight, let’s celebrate sex workers who celebrate Mother Nature. The heat is on! • Pro grappler, pro domme, part-time tropical faerie—Tampa’s Little Rampage is a triple threat for all seasons. “I love to...
Tales From the Clit 3: Cali Caliente
This month, hardcore hottie Cali Caliente tells us about the time she hooked up with that rapper in a chronicle she calls, “Right Place, Right Time.” “I’ve experienced some magical moments in live music: I got to see Migos before Takeoff’s passing; I even danced with Lil Wayne onstage at the AVN Awards. But nothing...
“Victory Is Ours!”
The strippers of Star Garden have emerged victorious in their fight for a union, after a 15-month-long campaign, including eight months on the picket line. On May 18, 2023, they became the only stripper union in the U.S. after the club’s owners withdrew all legal challenges, allowing the union to be certified by the National...
Missy Martinez Reveals the Naked Truth About XXX
Do porn chicks come during their scenes? How much do they make, anyway? HUSTLERMagazine.com’s resident advice goddess is here to answer all of your fuck-biz FAQs. Magicians never reveal the secrets to their astonishing illusions. Winning sports teams never share the special plays that allow them to kick ass on the field. The same can...
Sit on My Face!
Getting to the bottom of the glorious but often-maligned practice of face-sitting. Women love getting their snatches licked out by a true muff-diving warrior, one who goes at it like he’s on a mission to advance his way to North Korea via the treacherous Tumen River, risking drowning, being gunned down or eaten by a...
Lily LaBeau
After 12 long hours on rounds, Head Nurse Lily LaBeau and the doc (Eric Masterson) lose patience with patients and escape to the back room for a break. There’s little conversation. Lily opens up and says, “Ahhhh” as she swallows doc’s prod to the root. She takes his full dose without gagging. In return, the...
This Ain’t Nurse Jackie XXX
Nurse Jackie, Showtime’s popular series about a pill-popping caregiver living on the edge, stars Edie Falco. HUSTLER’s parody version, This Ain’t Nurse Jackie XXX, boasts the lovely Lily LaBeau in the lead role. Our Jackie toils in a hospital where being a “head nurse” has an entirely more literal and arousing connotation. The sexcapades kick...
Good Pussy—Is There Any Other Kind?
What makes a man prize one snatch above others, when they’re all pretty much fantastic? We delve into the curious male compulsion to grade vaginas. Smack-dab in the middle of Man Town, its loyal, card-carrying denizens like to talk about “good pussy”–as if “bad pussy” exists. All one need do is gather ’round the neighborhood...
Friday Funnies: Affairs to Remember 5
Infidelity is no laughing matter—or is it? Join us as we take a deep dive into HUSTLER’s vast archive of uproarious cartoons to explore the more humorous side of screwing around on your partner. Trust us, you won’t feel cheated! “I never said I didn’t like sucking dick. I said I didn’t like sucking your...
Friday Funnies: Checkup Chuckles 4
A visit to the doctor usually isn’t an occasion for mirth, but thanks to HUSTLER’s vast archive of outrageous cartoons, you’re about to get a healthy dose of laughter—which is, as we all know, the best medicine. Enjoy! “My husband suffers from erectile dysfunction, Doctor. Fortunately, this isn’t my husband.” “Nope, it’s not a yeast...
Saturday Special: Strap-On Sirens 3
Strap yourself in–we’re about to go on another carnal adventure with hot babes who brandish faux phalluses with a gusto that would put most men to shame. When it comes to harnessing their sexual energy, these hotties know exactly how to satisfy themselves, and their female playmates. Krystal Steal & McKenzie Lee Monique Alexander &...
Sunday Funday: Stocking Up! Vol. 7
Are you prepared to be transported to the height of sheer ecstasy? We hope so, because we’re about to hit you with a mouthwatering array of HUSTLER Honeys showing off their gorgeous gams sheathed in elegant, sexy stockings. Go ahead, get hosed! Coco Lovelock Mikah Tia Kiara Cole & Skye Blue Alissa Foxy Amy Douxxx...
Fucking Full House
Working in some private porking time amid a house full of nosy roommates isn’t easy, but it is possible to get busy in peace despite the meddling masses. There is no greater feeling than venturing out on any given day, meeting a beautiful woman by the most random chain of events, and having her suggest...
Bang-Up Jobs
A recent survey claims to have identified the occupations most closely linked to infidelity, with the medical profession ranking right up there. We explore whether a person’s job is really a factor in their decision to cheat. When it comes to finding a loyal significant other, that special one-and-only to spend the rest of your...
Medical Quackery
A Journey to the Fringes of American Medicine “So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous—whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light…supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way…and then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks [COVID] out in...
DGAF: Max Pain and the Ultimate Comeback
After racking up a quarter-million dollars in debt and hitting rock bottom in 2017, a California cash-game crusher looks to rebuild his bankroll and his life. Everyone loves an underdog. Maybe that’s why it’s so devastating to see poker phenomenon DGAF lose a $35,000 pot to a runner-runner full house with 96% equity after the...
XXX Finances: The Business of Pleasure
The adult-entertainment industry is highly competitive. There is a niche and spot for everyone, but because of that, it can be harder to make money when there are so many talented and amazing performers. Contrary to what you may think, it is not an easy business to stay in and be consistently paid. I had...
XXX Pet Roundup: Cold-Blooded Creatures
Reptiles and amphibians and porn stars–oh, my! Join us as we spend some quality time with hot XXX babes and their cold-blooded companions. Summer is the perfect time for us to soak up the sun—but we’re not alone in that pastime! Plenty of slithering reptiles and amphibians enjoy basking in the rays, too. I gathered...
“The extra ten-percent charge is for gawking at my tits.”
“The extra ten-percent charge is for gawking at my tits.”...
Friday Funnies: All the Small Things 2
It’s been said that the little things mean a lot—and in this case, those little things mean big laughs for you! We dug deep into the HUSTLER cartoon archives to deliver a collection of humor that totally measures up—which is more than we can say for the poorly endowed dudes featured in these ‘toons. Enjoy!...
Saturday Special: Get a Leg Up! Vol. 7
Leg men, rejoice! We’re back with another collection of hot HUSTLER Honeys flaunting their scintillating stems, gorgeous gams and pretty pins for your gawking pleasure. Enjoy! Kylie Rocket Eyla Moore Coco Lovelock Barbie Brill Lilly Bella...
