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Ah, yes! The…
“Ah, yes! The businessman’s lunch!”...
But you…
“But you said I could get a pet!”...
Enough about me…
“Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think of my big cock?!”...
Heather told her doctor…
Heather told her doctor, “My husband has a very large penis, and every time we have sex, he hurts my liver.” “I can fix that,” the doc assured her. “I’ll operate on him and make his penis smaller.” “No!” Heather screamed. “Operate on me and move my liver!”...
I’d rather have a little…
“I’d rather have a little Biden inflation than a whole lotta Trump everything else.”...
I’ve got to get out…
“I’ve got to get out of here! I overheard the man say that come this weekend he’ll be ‘eating that sweet pussy’!”...
It all started…
“It all started when my boyfriend asked me what I wanted to do tonight.”...
Julie told her lawyer…
Julie told her lawyer, “I want to divorce my husband. He has a lousy memory.” “Why would you want to divorce him for that?” the lawyer asked. Julie explained, “Every time he sees an available woman, he forgets that he’s married.”...
My personal ad said…
“My personal ad said I liked long walks on the beach!”...
Oh, Stan! I had no idea…
“Oh, Stan! I had no idea you were such a bottom-feeder!”...
Question: What do you call a promiscuous woman?
Question: What do you call a promiscuous woman? Answer: A good time....
Question: What do you call a stupid pirate?
Question: What do you call a stupid pirate? Answer: The pillage idiot....
Question: Why are Catholic priests called Father?
Question: Why are Catholic priests called Father? Answer: Because Daddy would be too suspicious....
Uh-oh. He’s got…
“Uh-oh. He’s got that grin on. Somebody’s in the shit!”...
You’re just interested…
“You’re just interested in me for my money, aren’t you?”...
Gridiron Giggles
Are you ready for some jokes about football? We hope so, because in honor of Big Game Day, we’re going deep into the HUSTLER cartoon archives and hitting the field with a collection of outrageous humor centered around gridiron gladiators and the sport they play. Get ready to score some laughs! “I want to thank...
Fabulous Over 50
Yes, it’s true—age is nothing but a number. And these XXX performers over 50 are pretty hot numbers indeed! Porn is a treasure trove of endless categories and niches, and we all have our favorites. Some fan favorites today are the MILF/Cougar/Mature and even GILF categories. It’s no mystery why; with age comes experience, and...
Gwen Galloway
Here’s an “extroverted, adventurous and funny” law student from our neck of the woods. “I’ve been dying—like almost literally—to be a HUSTLER girl since I was too young to be in the magazine,” declares Gwen Galloway, 27, of Hollywood, California. “I blame the three brothers who used to live next...
Sabrina & Samatha
It’s again time to rave that two Beavers are better than one. In pink panties, very briefly, is Sabrina, 20, a 5-foot-6 nursing student from Trenton, New Jersey. Her lithe, 2-inch-taller partner is Samatha, 19, a “very bi” receptionist from Clearwater, Florida. What’s perfectly clear is that these hot chicks...
Party of the Endless Grift
Republicans may not be able to win elections anymore, but they’ve learned how to turn losing into “winning.” Once upon a time, America had two major political parties. They disagreed on some things, mostly domestic matters, while generally concurring on foreign-policy issues. Tending to favor businesses and the wealthy, the Republican Party sought to lower...
Sex Workers of the World, Unite!
When the strippers of Star Garden in North Hollywood, California, went on strike in February 2022, they were not expecting to still be on the picket line seven months later. “None of us knew what we were getting into,” Charlie, one of the striking dancers, recalls. “We kind of thought it would be a two-week...
What Are You Driving At?
A new study offers evidence that guys with smaller dicks might compensate for it by driving sports cars. But is it true? We put women in the driver’s seat to share their experiences on the matter. Driving down the highway, it’s not hard to see who’s a raging douchebag and who isn’t. At least, presumably....
Beaver-on-Beaver Action Vol. 2
What’s better than a naked babe showing you everything she’s got? How about two naked babes showing you everything they’ve got? We’re diving back into the Beaver Hunt archives to celebrate beauties-next-door pairing up and getting down. Enjoy! And when you’re done here, check out our previous installment of Beaver-on-Beaver Action here! Sabrina & Samatha...
Steel Panther: Back on the Prowl
Hair metal’s parody pranksters have returned with a sex-drenched new album. We talk to singer Michael Starr about hazing a new band member, the best year ever and what makes a vagina magical. If HUSTLERMagazine.com had a house band it would be Steel Panther, the Sunset Strip hair metal parody pranksters who sing about sex...
Friday Funnies: Toying Around Vol. 3
Dildos and strap-ons and butt-plugs—oh, my! We’re digging into the adult-toy chest once again to enjoy a few hearty laughs, courtesy of HUSTLER’s vast archive of outrageous cartoons. Let’s play! “Hey, Ma! Our delivery drone from the HUSTLER store is here!” “Mom, look—I’m a unicorn!” “It’s a fire, Donna. Grab your valuables!” “Bill, you know...
HUSTLER Classic: Mining for Pink
No doubt about it, mining is hard, dirty work. In the February ‘05 issue of HUSTLER, it was particularly dirty—and got readers particularly hard. The “Ramona Luv & Chelsea: Down ‘n’ Dirty” pictorial, lensed by photographer Matti Klatt, shared a sexy day in the life of Ramona and Chelsea, a couple of beauties out in...
HUSTLER Two-Timers: Charlie Red
Welcome to HUSTLER Two-Timers, where we celebrate Honeys so nice, we’ve featured them twice! Today we’re focusing our attention and affection on Charlie Red, a captivating beauty from Prague, Czech Republic. The redheaded stunner made her first big impression on HUSTLER readers with the January ‘22 issue, scoring the cover and appearing in a scorching...
Miss Quin’s Clown Orgy
What happens when hot and horny clown fetishists from all over the U.S. get together in Vegas on AVN weekend? Miss Quin tells the story of her first orgy. The year is 2015. Barack Obama is still President, “Uptown Funk” is at the top of the charts and a young, starry-eyed cam model named Miss...
