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When he asked me if size mattered…
“When he asked me if size mattered, I opened my vibrator drawer.”...
Asshole of the Month: Lin Wood
Many people assume that highly educated professionals—medical doctors, lawyers, professors, scientists—are a sane, rational lot, untroubled by the crackpot ideas that afflict more ignorant folk. They couldn’t have plowed through all those difficult lessons and lectures in college with a screw loose, right? That’s way wrong. We’ve got mad scientists, quack doctors and lawyers who’d...
Now we’ve turned the corner, you miserable motherfucker!
“Now we’ve turned the corner, you miserable motherfucker!”...
How’s this for a birds-and-bees discourse?
How’s this for a birds-and-bees discourse? A ten-year-old girl asked, “Mommy, how was I born?”Her mother replied, “Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the ground, and I took care of it every day. After a while the seed began to sprout more...
When did you know the exact time to ask Mommy to marry you?
“When did you know the exact time to ask Mommy to marry you?” “When she swallowed.”...
Eddie was going to marry his gorgeous Italian-American girlfriend…
Eddie was going to marry his gorgeous Italian-American girlfriend Sofia, but he wondered if her kid sister had the hots for him. Lucia was 19, just as voluptuous as Sofia and always wore miniskirts and low-cut tops without a bra. Whenever Eddie was around, she’d suddenly bend over and give him a nice view. One...
I can tell you’re upset. What did I do now?
“I can tell you’re upset. What did I do now? Leave the water running again?”...
Yeah…a lot of people are bringing their lunch from home these days.
“Yeah…a lot of people are bringing their lunch from home these days.”...
Tired of dumb-blonde jokes, a blonde named Sally decided to…
Tired of dumb-blonde jokes, a blonde named Sally decided to dye her hair red. One day she drove out to the countryside and spotted a sheep farm. Fancying some mutton for dinner, she hopped out of her car and knocked on the door. The farmer opened it and asked, “How can I help you, ma’am?”...
A man stood in front of a food truck and checked out the menu…
A man stood in front of a food truck and checked out the menu: “Cheeseburger—$5. Fries—$3. Handjob—$10.” He walked up to the window, where a stacked brunette was taking orders. “Are you the one who gives the handjobs?” he asked, handing her a $10 bill. “Yes, I am,” the brunette owned up. “Then wash your...
What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?
Question: What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? Answer: A sunken chest and no booty....
Cherie on Top
Cherie DeVille is a woman of many talents: Physical therapist. Professional swing dancer. AVN’s MILF Performer of the Year for the past two years running! And an aspiring politician who just might find herself running the country one day. HUSTLER spent a day with the multi-hyphenate beauty for a deep dive into her many-faceted life....
HUSTLER Classic: Slip of the Tongue
Sometimes people say one thing when they mean another. And other times, people will misspeak and accidentally reveal exactly what’s on their minds. For a prime example of the latter, look no further than the May ’02 HUSTLER pictorial Hannah Harper: Pink in Mind. Blonde, statuesque and more than happy to strip down to show...
Alexis Skyy
“I love my body and am very comfortable with being nude,” says Alexis Skyy, 32, a cam model from Youngstown, Ohio. “I dreamed of seeing myself in your magazine since I was 19. I work hard to accomplish my goals, but I’m also a sweet, sassy and down-to-earth gal who...
Emily Willis
“My biggest fear was heights, but I conquered it! I went skydiving last year, and it was completely life-changing. I loved the views, and free-falling was pretty awesome. “The best advice I have ever received is, ‘Do what makes you happy.’ I’ve applied that to my sex life too. Probably...
Keisha Grey & Blair Williams
“I’m very sweet and loving, but I can be a freak between the sheets. I know how to switch sides when I need to. That’s just my personality! People might be surprised to know that I was a nursery school teacher at a church for years. Religion wasn’t pushed on...
Lexis
“I have never, ever modeled before,” says this 20-year-old Native American from Minnesota. “This layout in HUSTLER is my first photoshoot. Modeling seemed interesting to me, and I jumped at the opportunity.” Of course it takes a lot of hard work to keep this novice’s tight little body in such...
Dr. Emily Morse: Real Sex & Real Sex Education
The world is in dire need of accessible sex education. Sure, in some schools, teachers instruct students in the fine art of slapping a condom onto a banana or scare the hell out of them with images of venereal diseases. But between that and sex in the real world, quite a few details get lost....
Sullen Art & Sullen Angels
The Sullen Art Collective’s business model, based on the barter system, has not only survived but thrived. HUSTLER profiles this unique company… and the gorgeous angels who promote the Sullen brand. Two decades ago Jeremy Hanna and Ryan Smith worked day and night to realize their dream of running a successful clothing line. Based out...
Joanna Angel & Stoya: The Interview
In this powerful, exclusive interview, two XXX superstars open up about stripping naked in front of strangers for the first time, the power of red, domming for dollars… and porn unicorns. STOYA: Joanna! I read your latest book. JOANNA ANGEL: I couldn’t believe how quickly you replied to me when I asked you to read...
“M” for Mature
Cyberpunk 2077, starring Keanu Reeves, was one of the most anticipated games of 2020, smashing sales records after umpteen delays. Unfortunately, it launched with a whopping number of embarrassing bugs and glitches, none of which grabbed headlines quite like “the penis glitch.” For reasons that (at the time of writing) remain a mystery, many players...
Nicolas Cage Noshes on What?
In life there is a sliding scale of weirdness. It’s not so much math as it is perspective, particularly as it applies to people. Say, for example, your friend told you that he woke up to find a naked stranger eating a Fudgsicle at the foot of his bed—that would be weird, right? But what...
Good News for Your Bits & Pieces
Look, we get it—not everyone is blessed with a monster dong. The majority of us are decidedly average, but Pete Davidson isn’t the only one bringing big dick energy to the table: Your penis is more awesome than you realize, and a lot of it comes down to technique. Size is all relative, but words...
