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February 2026

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Good Things Come In Threes

Is there anything technology can’t do? A new phone app is making threeways something that could actually happen—routinely! 3nder (pronounced thrinder), created by London-based Dimo Trifonov, allows users to search for partners down for a ménage à trois. All you need is a Facebook profile, and you’re good to go. Like the Tinder app, 3nder...

Penis Envy

Sure, your penis is talented, but not as talented as Tim Patch’s. Patch, an Australian artist who goes by Pricasso, creates about a thousand portraits and landscapes a year using only his penis, scrotum and butt. For over a decade he’s wowed crowds at Sexpo Australia, and now the world is finally getting a boner...

Club Girl: Felix Roxx

Felix Roxx has some etiquette advice: Put away your cell phones, gentlemen. “I really don’t like it when people sit at the stage looking at their phones while a pretty girl is dancing,” admonishes the 31- year-old. “If you’re a good boy, I promise you’ll have more fun.” A crowd favorite at Larry’s pussy palace...

Dumb As Shit

With May proms right around the corner, students across the country are marching off to sex ed assemblies to, presumably, learn about sex. Unfortunately, chances are that these kids—not to mention taxpayers— are getting totally screwed. According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, only 22 states and Washington, D.C., require sex education. And hold...

Strongman

The owner of a local bar believed himself to be the strongest man around. To prove it, the bar offered a standing $2,000 bet: The owner would squeeze a lemon until all of its juice ran out into a glass, then toss the juiced lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more...

Wisconsin Trees

Question: Why do trees in Wisconsin lean to the south? Answer: Because Minnesota blows and Illinois sucks....

Definitely Maybe

A third-grade teacher said, “Class, today I would like one of you to use definitely in a sentence.” A little girl raised her hand and said, “The sky is definitely blue.” “Not exactly,” the teacher corrected. “Sometimes the sky is gray, and at night it’s black. Can anyone else use the word definitely in a...

Irishman Vs. Mormon

An Irishman was seated next to a Mormon on a flight from London. When the plane reached cruising altitude, the flight attendant came around to take drink orders. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant asked the Mormon if he’d like a drink. The Irishman...

Mentally Challenged Rape Suspect

Question: How do you recognize a mentally challenged rape suspect? Answer: He steps out of the police lineup and shouts, “That’s the girl!”...

Pimp My Ride

Dutch parliament member Gert-Jan Segers got a stiff lesson in “If you don’t want the answer, don’t ask the question.” A member of the ChristenUnie, a socially conservative Christian political party, Segers has spent his career trying to prove that legalizing prostitution in the Netherlands has been a complete failure. Only thing is, he’s had...

Hot As Hell

New research from the National Bureau of Economic Research suggests that higher temperatures will hurt reproductive health by reducing both fertility and “coital frequency.” Hey, you can’t fool us—that means the hotter it gets, the less we’re getting laid, dammit! After crunching data from 1931 through 2010, researchers confirmed that U.S. birth rates peak in...

Club Girl: Onyx Muse

My regular customers always brighten up my night when they visit unexpectedly. When I connect with someone, we experience things together. Those memories are special, spiritual and therapeutic experiences that go beyond just getting a front-row seat to boobies.” Our 26-year-old May Club Girl loves shocking patrons. “Sometimes the guys mistakenly think I’ll be innocent...

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