“Oh, my God! How could one human do that to another?”
“Oh, my God! How could one human do that to another?”...
Bits & Pieces
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“The prick thinks we are too uninhibited and don’t feel enough guilt…”
“The prick thinks we are too uninhibited and don’t feel enough guilt…”...
“Before I begin, I wonder if you’d like to comment on the rumor going around that you’re fucking my wife.”
“Before I begin, I wonder if you’d like to comment on the rumor going around that you’re fucking my wife.”...
“I don’t do no gift certificates, Mr. Clinton. I think Hillary is fucking with you.”
“I don’t do no gift certificates, Mr. Clinton. I think Hillary is fucking with you.”...
“Hot damn! A nigger Republican running for President! This’ll prove we ain’t no racists! Just as long as the nigger don’t win.”
“Hot damn! A nigger Republican running for President! This’ll prove we ain’t no racists! Just as long as the nigger don’t win.”...
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Palin. I’d release a transcript of all the intelligence we collected from your residence over the years, but we never detected one single bit of it.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Palin. I’d release a transcript of all the intelligence we collected from your residence over the years, but we never detected one single bit of it.”...
Psychology Major
A young college student noticed a smiling old man sitting on a park bench. Moved by his serene, wrinkled face, she approached him and said, “I’m a psychology major. We’re studying human development and aging. I can’t help but notice how youthful and happy you look. You’re beaming! What’s your secret?” “I smoke whenever I...
Hillary And Bill
Question: Why didn’t Hillary just divorce Bill? Answer: She couldn’t find a way to do it without making him happy....
California Vs. New Jersey
Question: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California get all the lawyers? Answer: New Jersey got to pick first....
She Can Cook
Ted opened his front door to a knock from a police officer. “Is there a problem, Officer?” Ted asked the solemn-faced cop. “Are you Theodore Cole?” “Yes.” “Do you have any recent pictures of your wife?” Ted found a picture and handed it to the officer. After looking at the photo, the officer said, “I’m...
25th Anniversary
To celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, John took his wife Mary to the hotel where they’d honeymooned all those years ago. As Mary was undressing, she gazed at John fondly and asked, “That night when you saw me standing naked in front of you for the first time, what were you thinking?” “That all I...
Boring Sex Life
In an attempt to spice up their boring sex life, a wife bought herself a pair of crotchless panties. She put them on with a short skirt and sat on the couch opposite her husband. At strategic moments, she uncrossed her legs enough times that finally her husband noticed. “Are you wearing crotchless panties?” he...
Divorced Men
Question: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: Who knows? They never get to keep the house....
My Bloody Valentine
Chocolates? Candy? Jewelry? How about murder? Read our list of the worst Valentine’s Days. Ever. And be grateful for that shitty Whitman’s Sampler from CVS. • Juan Manuel Navarro and Ignacia Manriquez had three children together when Juan suddenly ended the relationship in 1993. Then Juan decided he wanted her back. Ignacia wasn’t into it....
Club Girl
Shelby Sparks was earning a degree in journalism and creative writing at Penn State when she took a pole dancing class, just for fun. She was good. Really good. So she entered a few competitions, and shortly after was on her way to Las Vegas to pursue competitive pole dancing to her heart’s content. “I...
Gun Crazy
Praise the Lord and pass the ammo! So goes the pretzel logic of Spike’s Tactical, a Florida gun manufacturer selling a “Christian-themed” assault rifle. Dubbed “The Crusader,” the AR-15 is etched with a Knights Templar Cross and shield (you know, the kind carried into battle by medieval crusaders) and Biblical verse: “Blessed be the Lord,...
Trump’s A Rump
Proving that he’s not one to learn from experience, Donald Trump has struck out twice now on attempts to co-opt popular music for his campaign. First The Donald blasted “Rockin’ in the Free World” at his Presidential bid kickoff event, a dick move that prompted a quick response from a pissed-off Neil Young: “Donald Trump...
“He thinks he’s Jesus, he thinks he’s Napoleon, and that’s Rupert Murdoch. He thinks he runs a legitimate news organization.”
“He thinks he’s Jesus, he thinks he’s Napoleon, and that’s Rupert Murdoch. He thinks he runs a legitimate news organization.”...
“You’re really in deep shit for shooting Cecil the Lion, Dr. Palmer. You’d have been better off gunning down a young, unarmed black man.”
“You’re really in deep shit for shooting Cecil the Lion, Dr. Palmer. You’d have been better off gunning down a young, unarmed black man.”...
“I didn’t have to insinuate that Megyn Kelly bleeds from her pussy. She’s a girl, for Christ’s sake! Everyone knows she’s got a blood flow shooting out of her twat every 30 days!”
“I didn’t have to insinuate that Megyn Kelly bleeds from her pussy. She’s a girl, for Christ’s sake! Everyone knows she’s got a blood flow shooting out of her twat every 30 days!”...
