“Hey, girl! I’m offended by what you’re wearing. And I insist that it be removed!”
“Hey, girl! I’m offended by what you’re wearing. And I insist that it be removed!”...
Bits & Pieces
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“Gold and silver fluctuate too much, so we’ve decided to simply tie the value of the dollar to the value of pussy.”
“Gold and silver fluctuate too much, so we’ve decided to simply tie the value of the dollar to the value of pussy.”...
Poor Jason—he’s about to fall for the oldest trick in the book.
Poor Jason—he’s about to fall for the oldest trick in the book....
“Well, Mr. Williams, your resumé shows a history of embellishing, making things up, and just flat out lying when reporting. Welcome to Fox News!”
“Well, Mr. Williams, your resumé shows a history of embellishing, making things up, and just flat out lying when reporting. Welcome to Fox News!”...
“Your Presidency is a mess. If you’ve learned anything from my years in the White House, it’s that those cigarettes would taste a helluva lot better after being shoved up an intern’s twat.”
“Your Presidency is a mess. If you’ve learned anything from my years in the White House, it’s that those cigarettes would taste a helluva lot better after being shoved up an intern’s twat.”...
Once again Obama gets blamed for some shit he had nothing to do with.
Once again Obama gets blamed for some shit he had nothing to do with....
“God, I love the way you eat and run!”
“God, I love the way you eat and run!”...
“I invented a personal diet. The wife serves my meals naked, and I completely lose my appetite.”
“I invented a personal diet. The wife serves my meals naked, and I completely lose my appetite.”...
“Wanna watch an old porn tape where the babes actually have pubes?!”
“Wanna watch an old porn tape where the babes actually have pubes?!”...
“I know we’re not fooling anyone but ourselves, but we’ve got to start somewhere…”
“I know we’re not fooling anyone but ourselves, but we’ve got to start somewhere…”...
Salad
A cucumber and a tomato were hanging out, commiserating. “My life sucks,” said the tomato. “You should see what they do to my kind. When I get big, fat and juicy, they’re going to slice me up and slap me on a hamburger.” “I feel your pain,” the cucumber sympathized. “When I get big, fat...
Lawyers vs. ISIS
Question: What’s the difference between lawyers and ISIS? Answer: ISIS has sympathizers....
Farmer John
Good ol’ Farmer John bought a rooster that turned out to be a sex maniac. As soon as he got the bird home, it went into a frenzy, mating with each and every chicken in the barnyard. Then it moved on to have a go at the ducks, the geese and the turkeys. It even...
Unarmed Black Man
Question: What do you call an unarmed black man being arrested? Answer: You call him an ambulance....
Prostitute
A prostitute went to her doctor and complained that she thought that she might be a hemophiliac. “That’s quite serious! What makes you think that you might be a hemophiliac?” asked the physician. “Well, Doctor, lately I’ve noticed that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed out forever.” “I see,” noted...
What Kind Of Man?
Question: What kind of man is the least likely to cheat on his wife? Answer: The kind that likes his house....
Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton and her campaign manager were jogging around the block one morning. Suddenly Hillary exclaimed, “When I get home, I’m going to run upstairs and tear off Bill’s underwear!” “Gee, Hillary,” said the campaign manager. “I didn’t know that jogging turned you on so much.” “It doesn’t,” Hillary replied. “It’s just that they’re starting...
Happy New Year!
BAILEY RAYNE January ’15 Honey 1. I want to be more adventurous sexually. If I meet someone and we both want to have a freaky adventure without any strings attached, I want to be brave enough to just do it. 2. I want to have sex with a girl! Which goes right back to being...
World’s Oldest Profession
It’s long been our belief that consensual sex between adults, including the right to buy and sell it, should be legal. Now Amnesty International has reached the same conclusion. It turns out there’s pretty compelling evidence that legalizing prostitution is the best way to protect the human rights of sex workers, reduce violence and trafficking...
Club Girl: Summer
“Girls get tricky,” laughs Summer, January’s mischievous Club Girl. “Sometimes they don’t like me because I look better than they do.” Entertaining at Larry Flynt’s HUSTLER Club, Las Vegas, for the past six years, Summer says she loves what she does, especially the people she works with. “Everyone’s awesome. The bouncers, the managers, they’re great....
The Fantastic Adventures of Captain & Boofo
We’re used to receiving interesting, sometimes even surprising mail from our readers (see Feedback, page 18), mixed in with the more standard fare (dirty jokes, complaints about the current state of pubic hair in porn, requests for models’ phone numbers, and lamentations about politics and politicians). But every once in a blue moon, the postman...
“‘Are women equal?’ Hell, I guess so. All pussies have felt pretty much the same to me.”
“‘Are women equal?’ Hell, I guess so. All pussies have felt pretty much the same to me.”...
“Mexico is sending murderers, rapists and, frankly, some pretty damn good cocksuckers over the border.”
“Mexico is sending murderers, rapists and, frankly, some pretty damn good cocksuckers over the border.”...
“You misunderstood us. When we said gays could marry, we meant a female lesbian and a male homosexual could get married.”
“You misunderstood us. When we said gays could marry, we meant a female lesbian and a male homosexual could get married.”...
