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October 2022

Kenzie Anne
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Latest Articles

Long Live Sex!
Bits & Pieces

Long Live Sex!

Do you know what telomeres are? They are about to improve your sex life. If at times it seems like getting your lady into bed involves cajoling or bargaining or standing on your fucking head, then this news is...
The Real Fake News: Benedict Arnold Is Innocent
Bits & Pieces

The Real Fake News: Benedict Arnold Is Innocent

“It was a 20-minute meeting mainly about adoptions and the weather. Nothing came of it.” —General Benedict Arnold WASHINGTON, D.C.—A “treasure...
Dick-ometrics
Bits & Pieces

Dick-ometrics

You’ve heard of biometrics, but one live-cam site is taking identification protocols far beyond retinal scans, into extremely intimate territory. CamSoda requests that its subscribers log in with their dick...
Prison Perks
Bits & Pieces

Prison Perks

Rise of the machines? Seems like it was only a matter of time before drones made humans obsolete—specifically the brave men and women who keister drugs and SIM cards into penitentiaries. As reported by The...
Sick Nick
Feature

Sick Nick

NICK SWARDSON FIRST ROLLED HIS WAY INTO OUR HEARTS AS STREET MEAT IN RENO 911! AND CONTINUES TO BARE HIS PLUCKY SOUL IN ADAM SANDLER’S FINEST FLICKS. RENOWNED FOR RAUNCHY TRUTHS VIA GAY ROBOT, SWARDSON’S...
Along Came Poly
Feature

Along Came Poly

If monogamy works, why is the divorce rate pushing 50%? Today enjoying a relationship with multiple partners is more accepted than ever. It’s called polyamory, and it promises love without limits. It was...
Politics

Watergate Pales in Comparison

I rise today, Mr. Speaker, to call for the impeachment of the President of the United States of America!” Representative Al Green (D-Texas) was a lonely voice on the floor of the U.S....
Politics

Arming a Villain

What’s up with Donald Trump and Saudi Arabia? And why has the mainstream media ignored this incredibly cozy connection? Before being elected President, Trump pledged to combat Islamic extremism, and yet...
Fap to the Future
Bits & Pieces

Fap to the Future

Porn lovers, our prayers have finally been answered—no longer must we lay our dignity on the line to masturbate in front of the computer screen. Relax and enjoy your wank without the constant fear of someone...
The Real Fake News: Pillory Hillary?
Bits & Pieces

The Real Fake News: Pillory Hillary?

It’s been nearly a year since President Clinton was elected to office by a landslide in both the popular vote and Electoral College. Her victory came easy after the FBI found...
ISIS Crisis
Bits & Pieces

ISIS Crisis

ISIS was plunged into disarray today after a leading Muslim cleric announced that martyrs dying for Allah will not be rewarded with 72 virgins, but with just one 72- year-old virgin. According to the Akhand of...
Your Daly Dose
Feature

Your Daly Dose

When was the last time Fabio cornered you on the power of protein? Or you got paid to be Bill Murray? Or totally fooled the world into thinking that you were the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Such are the life and...
Politics

Scary Apprentice

Honestly, I have tried to cut Donald Trump some slack by refusing to pile on with the Russia-bashing. I strongly believe that it reflects an absurdly out-of-date Red-baiting of Vladimir Putin, a Christian who...
Politics

Reefer Madness?

Where were you when marijuana became legal in this country? Yeah, man, it happened, and you didn’t even notice. But not because you were stoned. Once the stuff is legal for recreational use—as it is in...
Politics

More War

In early April, as President Donald Trump’s approval ratings were near the lowest they’d been since taking office, a suspected chemical attack killed dozens of civilians —including many children— in...
Death by Dick
Bits & Pieces

Death by Dick

Richard Patterson, 65, was recently acquitted of second-degree murder after trial arguments pointed to the fact that his partner’s death was an accident—poor woman might have choked on his prick. Where...
Spoiler Alert: Jackie O Loved Money
Bits & Pieces

Spoiler Alert: Jackie O Loved Money

When will Americans end their obsession with Jackie O? Never. The iconoclastic First Lady has forever been fawned over for being beautiful, soft-spoken, graceful and elegant....
The Real Fake News: Trump Seeks Asylum in Russia
Bits & Pieces

The Real Fake News: Trump Seeks Asylum in Russia

As the likelihood of President Trump’s impeachment grows, a new shock leak from the White House reveals that he is desperately seeking political asylum in...
Audition for Prison
Bits & Pieces

Audition for Prison

A man in Kansas, named Mario Antoine, has admitted to tricking dozens of women into having sex with him by pretending to be a porn mogul. Not only was he duping women by promising them stardom and payment, but...
Flavor of Love
Bits & Pieces

Flavor of Love

Mankind Pharma, makers of Manforce condoms, has cornered the prophylactic market in India with flavored condoms. According to the online magazine Quartz, flavored rubbers account for nearly half of India’s...
Below the Rust Belt II
Feature

Below the Rust Belt II

IN 2014 A FLEDGLING HUSTLER REPORTER SLIPPED UNDERCOVER TO DISCOVER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO WORK AS A STRIPPER. THIS IS HER SECOND REPORT IN THREE LONG YEARS. SHE HAS NEVER RETURNED TO THE OFFICE.  ...