Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
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HUSTLER’s Guide to Dating Apps
LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE TECH-BASED HOOKUPS WITH, IF NOT DIGNITY, AT LEAST A SOLID CHANCE OF A BLOWJOB. HUSTLER’S MAN ABOUT TOWN TESTS A FUCKTON OF DATING APPLICATIONS AND REPORTS ON THE...
Politics
Hard Time for Private Prisons
Crime pays. At least it does for the private prison industry, which annually is allocated about 5 billion in taxpayer dollars and nets more than $600 million in profits. But those dollars...
Politics
True Patriotism
It was spectacularly great news: Freedom had triumphed, and our flag was still there. Occasionally in a nation’s history, sanity abruptly intervenes when a few heroic figures save the day by finding the...
Bits & Pieces
Fucking & Football
The word prostitution just doesn’t pack the moral outrage that it used to. So if you’re looking to upset people, try the phrase “sex trafficking.” Along with all the other dubious traditions that go...
Bits & Pieces
The Orgasm Lady
Firliana Purwanti, who also goes by The Orgasm Lady, has worked hard over the past several years, empowering Indonesian women to embrace their sexuality. What’s the big deal? “Womyn” have been...
Bits & Pieces
Cornography
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Botox Anderson (collectively, from here on out, Teach ’n’ Tox) recently coauthored an editorial for Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal about the “dangers of pornography.”...
Bits & Pieces
Love Italian-Style
Grazie to Italy’s Supreme Court, which recently ruled that public masturbation is not a crime, so long as it’s not in the presence of minors. The ruling overturned a conviction by a lower court of a...
Bits & Pieces
Be All You Can Be
Guess what, world? We’re not a bunch of babies who can’t handle it if the soldiers serving in our military don’t all present as John Wayne. The Pentagon recently announced that transgender troops on...
Bits & Pieces
Doll Ball
Maybe he couldn’t face another holiday alone. Perhaps she reminded him of the one who got away. Something inspired 55-year-old Christopher Wade to abduct a curvy brunette mannequin from a HUSTLER Hollywood...
Feature
The Final Girls
THEY KNOW HOW TO SCREAM, THEY KNOW HOW TO DIE, BUT ABOVE ALL, THEY KNOW HOW TO KICK SOME BOGEYMAN ASS! ONE BY ONE THE REST OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN STABBED, HUNG, RIPPED LIMB FROM LIMB, UNTIL THE ONLY...
Feature
The Nude Elephant in the Room
LIVE FROM THE 2-1-5, JESSA JORDAN REPORTS ON HER LIFE AS A BLACK ANARCHIST STRIPPER DURING THE 2016 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION IN PHILADELPHIA. By day I bend light and arch limbs as a...
Feature
Wheeler Walker Jr.
LIKE ROY ROGERS AND GENE AUTRY BEFORE HIM, WHEELER WALKER JR. IS A SINGING COWBOY. BUT UNLIKE YOUR GRANDDADDY’S HEROES, THIS HAT-WEARING HILLBILLY IS MORE LIKELY TO CROON TUNES LIKE “FUCK YOU BITCH” THAN...
Politics
Go Vote!
If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it,” Mark Twain is believed to have quipped. However, there is no clear-cut evidence he said anything of the sort. Who ever first uttered those words...
Politics
The Filthy Rich Get Richer
And the winner is…Goldman Sachs! America’s big bankers don’t really care whether the next President is named Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Once Bernie Sanders was knocked out...
Bits & Pieces
Vagina Demagogue
Our apologies—we really can’t wait to stop talking about Trump. But Gabriella Paiella’s piece for New York magazine, “Why Are Trump’s Hands Always Making the Symbol for ‘Vagina,’” posed a...
Bits & Pieces
Olympic Glory
“Am I the only person who thinks the Walk of Nations, from above, looks like a giant vagina? #OpeningCeremony #Rio2016,” tweeted @JasonKorolenko. No, Jason, you were not. Sure, Olympic media coverage of...
Bits & Pieces
Tell Us Something We Don’t Know
Having little else to do, journalists across the nation recently reported on a paper published by New York University researchers with this catchy title: “A Qualitative...
