Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
Red-Hot Redheads
Red is the color of love. And of fire. Gingers fan the flames of passion and set your bedroom ablaze. Of course, HUSTLER adores blondes and brunettes, but if the truth be told, redheads hold a special place in our hearts. Enjoy the fiery beauties on these pages—if you are anything like our publishing staff,...
2024 Is On!
Make no mistake: The 2024 election campaign is on! You have only to listen to the 2023 State of the Union (SOTU) address—and Sanders’ abysmal response —to know that the battle to become America’s next President is well underway. Much will be made in the coming year about Biden’s age. He will be 81 by...
I hate the straw bed…
“I hate the straw bed, but the sex is amazing.”...
It’s the hottest thing…
“It’s the hottest thing on the market right now…Donald Trump toilet paper!”...
Go home, kid. This place is…
“Go home, kid. This place is fucked up beyond all recognition.”...
Just where…
“Just where the hell is our waitress?”...
You may now beg…
“You may now beg the bride for sex.”...
Can you not…
“Can you not do that?”...
I can’t go out with you tonight…
“I can’t go out with you tonight, Todd. I have to stay at home and wash my hair.”...
Gas prices go…
“Gas prices go down every day. Why can’t you?”...
I’ll be home soon…
“I’ll be home soon, honey. I just stopped to pick up a Happy Meal.”...
Obviously, I’ve scaled…
“Obviously, I’ve scaled the wrong fucking mountain!”...
Actually, I’m looking for…
“Actually, I’m looking for someone with computer skills, but hey, what the fuck, you’re hired!”...
A young man named Nick…
A young man named Nick went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. “I’m the pharmacist,” the woman he was talking to replied, “and we have no male employees. Is there something I could help you with?” “This is, uh, hard to talk about,” Nick responded. “I have a permanent erection,...
Asshole of the Month: Sarah Hukabee Sanders
This past February, President Biden delivered what most unbiased observers praised as one of the best State of the Union (SOTU) addresses ever—a masterful performance by a veteran politician at the top of his game. His alleged senility was proven to be nothing more than partisan bullshit as he eloquently touted the many accomplishments of...
Tatcat_TX
Hailing from Houston, Texas, Tatcat_TX works in accounting, but the “witty, spontaneous and fierce” 33-year-old has a hankering to be part of the skin biz. “The female body is so beautiful and seductive,” the 5-foot-2 Lone Star Stater professes. “What better place to show it off than in HUSTLER? There...
Little Puck
”I’m definitely a freaky sweetheart,” says Little Puck, 34, an award-winning clip artist from Chicago, Illinois. “I’m curious, funny, passionate and always on the lookout for my next big adventure.” The Windy City denizen photographed Felicia Fisher for Beaver Hunt (July ’21), and now she gets to show off her...
Road Head Warriors
Sure, getting a blowjob while cruising around behind the wheel might sound like the ultimate joyride, but be careful—you’re likely to hit some bumpy road on the path to auto-erotic bliss. The summer travel season is upon us, which means millions of Americans are about to get out on the highway for a taste of...
Ace Reporter Andy Campbell Exposes the Proud Boys
“PROUD BOYS, STAND BACK AND STAND BY…” — DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, 9/29/20 Who and what are the Proud Boys, with their provocative slogan “Fuck around and find out”? Are they a patriotic fraternal organization defending Western civilization? A men’s drinking club moonlighting as a vigilante defense force? An ultraconservative version of Fight Club? Or...
A HUSTLER Casino…
“A HUSTLER Casino right there! Then a HUSTLER Hollywood store over there!”...
A millionaire’s ugly daughter…
A millionaire’s ugly daughter asked her father, “Is it true that men want me for only one thing?” “Yes, I’m afraid it is,” her dad replied. “Is it my body?” the girl asked. “No, it’s my money,” the rich man muttered....
A traveling salesman stopped…
A traveling salesman stopped at a house in Nevada and knocked on the door. When 12-year-old Tommy opened it, the salesman asked, “Hey, kid, is your mother at home?” “No, sir, she’s over at the whorehouse,” Tommy replied. The salesman thought he must have misheard him, or maybe the kid was being a wiseass. Looking...
Ms. Simms was giving a lengthy assignment…
Ms. Simms was giving a lengthy assignment to her sixth-grade class. As the twentysomething began writing high on the whiteboard, she heard a giggle. Quickly turning around, she asked, “What’s so funny, Patrick?” “I just saw one of your garters,” Patrick answered, wide-eyed. “Get out!” Ms. Simms yelled. “And I don’t want to see you...
Question: How can a woman…
Question: How can a woman tell when her husband is dead? Answer: The sex is the same, but she can use the remote....
