Bits & Pieces
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“You got problems? My roommates are nuts, my neighbor is an asshole, and my best friend is a pussy.”
“You got problems? My roommates are nuts, my neighbor is an asshole, and my best friend is a pussy.”...
“Sally just had an orgasm, I want one.”
“Sally just had an orgasm, I want one.”...
“I’m leaving public life to spend more time with my mistress.”
“I’m leaving public life to spend more time with my mistress.”...
“Calvin wants a boy. I don’t care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy and can pass for white!”
“Calvin wants a boy. I don’t care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy and can pass for white!”...
“And take note: I’m a Republican. So I fuck you, and no cuddling afterward!”
“And take note: I’m a Republican. So I fuck you, and no cuddling afterward!”...
“A woman’s pussy is the most beautiful thing in the world, unless you’ve been banging it for an hour. Then it looks like a piece of meat two pit bulls were fighting over.”
“A woman’s pussy is the most beautiful thing in the world, unless you’ve been banging it for an hour. Then it looks like a piece of meat two pit bulls were fighting over.”...
“Baby, a pussy is like broccoli. Nobody eats broccoli!”
“Baby, a pussy is like broccoli. Nobody eats broccoli!”...
“If you don’t mind, Jerome, after you unload in my pussy, hubby here likes to perform clean-up duty.”
“If you don’t mind, Jerome, after you unload in my pussy, hubby here likes to perform clean-up duty.”...
“Son, you are 32 years old and you still live with your mom and me! You know, even Hitler had a girlfriend!”
“Son, you are 32 years old and you still live with your mom and me! You know, even Hitler had a girlfriend!”...
“I smell shit burning. Did we get another carload of lawyers?”
“I smell shit burning. Did we get another carload of lawyers?”...
Sex Therapist
A man and woman in their 70s had an appointment with a sex therapist. “What can I do for you?” they were asked. The man replied, “Would you watch us have sex?” The therapist was puzzled but agreed, setting his fee at $50. After the couple finished and got dressed, the therapist assured them, “There’s...
Pilgrims
If only the Pilgrims had killed a cat instead of a turkey, we would all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving. ...
Phone Book
A blonde walked into the library, stepped up to the counter and slammed a book down. “This is the worst book I’ve ever read!” she screamed at the librarian. “It has no plot and far too many characters!” The librarian looked up and calmly remarked, “So you’re the one who stole our phone book.” ...
A Wise Man
A wise man once said, “You should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner. When she stops sucking, replace the fucking bag!” ...
Joe
Joe walked into a pharmacy and began wandering up and down the aisles. A salesgirl noticed him and asked if she could help. “I’m looking for a box of tampons for my wife,” Joe said, and the young lady directed him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later Joe plopped a huge bag of...
Lonely Bachelor
Question: What happened when a lonely bachelor took out a classified ad reading “Wife Wanted”? Answer: The next day he received over 200,000 responses saying “Take mine!” ...
Do the Dishes
A young man’s new girlfriend invited him to dinner at her house. On the way she told him about an odd family custom: The first person to speak after dinner had to do the dishes. The couple sat down with the girl’s parents, and after they’d finished eating, everyone remained silent. Not wanting to do...
