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“Some people say Republicans are cold, cruel, heartless bastards, but nothing could be further from the truth. We just like to fuck poor people!”

“Some people say Republicans are cold, cruel, heartless bastards, but nothing could be further from the truth. We just like to fuck poor people!”...

humor

“C’mon, Vinnie—beat it like it owes you money!”

“C’mon, Vinnie—beat it like it owes you money!”...

humor

“Hey, Pop, tell me again about the time you found Lindsay Lohan passed out in an alley off Sunset Boulevard and you humped her leg!”

“Hey, Pop, tell me again about the time you found Lindsay Lohan passed out in an alley off Sunset Boulevard and you humped her leg!”...

humor

“Somebody call an ambulance! I feel a pulse!”

“Somebody call an ambulance! I feel a pulse!”...

humor

“Can’t talk now mom. I’ve got company coming.”

“Can’t talk now mom. I’ve got company coming.”...

humor

“I want you to close your eyes and relax. I want you to go to your happy place.”

“I want you to close your eyes and relax. I want you to go to your happy place.”...

humor

Gin Rummy

Bill fell in love with his best friend’s wife and told him so, then suggested that they settle things like the good friends they’d always been. “How about we play a round of gin rummy? If I win, you divorce Darlene so I can marry her. If you win, I promise to forget all about...

humor

Bed

When Ted saw a gorgeous brunette sitting alone at the bar, he approached her and asked, “Would you have sex with me for $10,000?” The brunette thought for a minute and nodded her head yes. Ted then inquired if she would bed him for $100. Disgusted, the beauty shouted, “What kind of woman do you...

humor

Tupperware party

Question: How do you get ten fat cows into your basement? Answer: Hold a Tupperware party....

humor

Putin condoms

Prime Minister Putin called President Obama with an emergency: “Our only condom factory exploded,” Putin cried. “This is a true catastrophe!” “Mr. Putin,” Obama stated solemnly, “the American people will do anything within their power to help.” “I do need help,”admitted Putin.“Please, could you send over a million condoms as soon as possible to tide...

humor

Blonde driver

Question: Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver’s license? Answer: Because she got an F in sex....

humor

Drunk driver

Jack was always texting while driving, but one day, while on his way to town with his wife, a state trooper spotted him and pulled his ass over. “You were texting while driving,” the officer asserted. “No, I wasn’t,” Jack argued. “But don’t take my word for it. Ask my wife.” “That true, ma’am?” the...

humor

Stripper Jane

There once was a stripper named Janewho knew how tomake it rain.She’d lie on her backand open her crack,and the men would all go insane....

humor

“If you’d take your ass to the fields and learn how to pick cotton, you would have some money!”

“If you’d take your ass to the fields and learn how to pick cotton, you would have some money!”...

humor

“Yeah, sure, I love you too! I’m the son of God. I love everybody! Now get lost!”

“Yeah, sure, I love you too! I’m the son of God. I love everybody! Now get lost!”...

humor

“It’s amazing what a cock in a woman’s mouth can do to enhance her looks.”

“It’s amazing what a cock in a woman’s mouth can do to enhance her looks.”...

humor

“I see a short, skinny white guy in your future. However, for ten dollars more, I might be ableto see a tall, well-hung black dude!”

“I see a short, skinny white guy in your future. However, for ten dollars more, I might be ableto see a tall, well-hung black dude!”...

humor

“She suddenly started thrashing around, screaming and laughing like a crazy person! So I smashed her skull!”

“She suddenly started thrashing around, screaming and laughing like a crazy person! So I smashed her skull!”...

humor

“I went to the dentist yesterday. I got my tooth whitened!”

“I went to the dentist yesterday. I got my tooth whitened!”...

humor

“We here at Fox News have uncovered definitive proof that Barack Obama is a socialist Muslim terrorist born in Kenya, hell-bent on destroying America just for the fuck of it!”

“We here at Fox News have uncovered definitive proof that Barack Obama is a socialist Muslim terrorist born in Kenya, hell-bent on destroying America just for the fuck of it!”...

humor

“You get her heart. You take her brain. And I’ll eat her pussy!”

“You get her heart. You take her brain. And I’ll eat her pussy!”...

humor

“You know, he’s right!”

“You know, he’s right!”...

humor

“We were made for each other! She likes to drink out of the toilet bowl. I like to hop on and fuck her when she’s drinking out of the toilet bowl.”

“We were made for each other! She likes to drink out of the toilet bowl. I like to hop on and fuck her when she’s drinking out of the toilet bowl.”...

humor

“Sure, I like ’em, but I thought we agreed to use our tax refund money to buy a new washer and dryer!”

“Sure, I like ’em, but I thought we agreed to use our tax refund money to buy a new washer and dryer!”...

humor

“Why is it that the worst boyfriends always have the biggest dicks and the longest tongues?”

“Why is it that the worst boyfriends always have the biggest dicks and the longest tongues?”...

humor

“Let’s say you were going into a place of business that you were recently fired from for no fucking reason and you wanted to mow down some assholes. What kind of weapon would you recommend?”

“Let’s say you were going into a place of business that you were recently fired from for no fucking reason and you wanted to mow down some assholes. What kind of weapon would you recommend?”...

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