“I kid you not, Eddie. Your ol’ lady is the best!”
“I kid you not, Eddie. Your ol’ lady is the best!”...
Bits & Pieces
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“I’m gonna run home and ask my wife for a divorce! Promise y’all will still be here when I get back!”
“I’m gonna run home and ask my wife for a divorce! Promise y’all will still be here when I get back!”...
Buck
Buck was explaining how reincarnation works to his wife. “The only rule is, when you die, you always come back as a different creature.” The wife nodded her head in understanding. “In that case, I’d like to come back as a cow.” Buck just sighed.“You obviously weren’t listening.” ...
Priests
Two priests were using the urinals in the Vatican when one looked down at the other’s penis and noticed there was a nicotine patch on it. So he turned to his fellow vicar and said, “I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not on your penis.” “Hey, never you...
Condoms
Matt went into a store to buy condoms. “Do you want a bag?” the cashier asked. “Nah,” Matt said. “She’s not that ugly.” ...
Slut and bitch
Question: What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? Answer: A slut will fuck anybody. A bitch will fuck anybody but you. ...
Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing, it came down to three candidates, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will...
Admiral
A tough old admiral snarled to a lowly seaman, “I suppose that after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can piss on my grave.” “N—n—not me, Admiral,” the seaman stuttered. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!” ...
Jesus
Question: How do you know Jesus Christ was Jewish? Answer: He lived at home until he was 30, and his mother thought he could walk on water....
Cherry
Here’s to the girls inhigh heel shoeswho snort our cokeand drink our booze.They don’t havea cherry, butthat’s no sin.They still have the boxthe cherry came in....
40th Anniversary Bash
This is what a HUSTLER party looks like. And yes, we are lucky fucks!...
Forget immigrants. I’ve come up with a much scarier, sinful talking point!
Forget immigrants. I’ve come up with a much scarier, sinful talking point!...
And just let some politically correct muthafuckers try to stop us!
And just let some politically correct muthafuckers try to stop us!...
You haven’t been in the news lately, and we have bills to pay. Call a press conference, and say something really fucking stupid.
You haven’t been in the news lately, and we have bills to pay. Call a press conference, and say something really fucking stupid....
My husband trained him.
My husband trained him....
If you’ve ever loved me at all, baby, please, please, please let her finish!
If you’ve ever loved me at all, baby, please, please, please let her finish!...
Hey, guys, polls show the country is fed up with our bullshit. Even our friends over at Fox News are beginning to call us crazy!
Hey, guys, polls show the country is fed up with our bullshit. Even our friends over at Fox News are beginning to call us crazy!...
For a man who doesn’t like blacks, you sure surround yourself with a lot of them!
For a man who doesn’t like blacks, you sure surround yourself with a lot of them!...
Number 34 is next in the catalog.The corporate bidding for this Republican congressman will start at 3 million!
Number 34 is next in the catalog.The corporate bidding for this Republican congressman will start at 3 million!...
I’ve got a question, babe. When we get married, are your kids, like, off limits?
I’ve got a question, babe. When we get married, are your kids, like, off limits?...
Please, Lord, make the United States start just a few more wars before I die!”
Please, Lord, make the United States start just a few more wars before I die!”...
My wife claims I never listen when she has something to say. At least that’s what I think the bitch said.
My wife claims I never listen when she has something to say. At least that’s what I think the bitch said....
Yessiree! No fag can suck cock like a woman!
Yessiree! No fag can suck cock like a woman!...
Wine
Agnes was sitting down, enjoying a glass of wine, when her husband joined her on the couch and started reading the newspaper. “I love you so much!” Agnes gushed. “I don’t think I could make it through a single day without you.” The hubby was a little surprised at this outburst from his normally reserved...
Blonde Joke
Question: What is a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? Answer: Humpme Dumpme....
Whore
What do you want to be when you grow up?” a teacher asked her third-grade class. Little Kevin piped up, “I want to start out as a Marine pilot, then become a billionaire, find me a gorgeous whore and buy her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris and a jet, all...
