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Real Estate

Newly licensed real estate agent Chris wrote an ad for a house he had recently listed. The house had a second-floor suite that could be accessed using a lift-chair that slid along the staircase. Describing this feature, he inadvertently made it sound even more attractive: “Mother-in-law suite comes with electric chair.”...
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Vacuum

Question: What does it mean when a man says, “Take a break, honey – you’re working too hard”? Answer: He can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner....
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Angel

“My wife’s an angel,” slurred a drunk to his buddy at the bar.  “Lucky you,” said his buddy. “Mine’s still alive.”...
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Special Olympics

Question: What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Answer: Not being retarded....
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Greg

When Greg stumbled home at 3 a.m. Monday morning, his wife was furious. “How would you feel if you didn’t see me for two days?” she hollered. Greg couldn’t believe his luck. “That would be great!” Monday passed, and he didn’t see her. Tuesday and Wednesday passed too. On Thursday morning, the swelling went down...
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Greek Army

Question: What’s the Greek Army motto? Answer: Never leave your buddy’s behind. ...
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Guido

A Mafia godfather discovered that his bookkeeper, Guido, had cheated him out of $10 million. The bookkeeper was deaf, which was part of the reason he’d been hired in the first place. It was assumed that since Guido could hear nothing, he wouldn’t have to testify in court.  When the godfather went to confront Guido...
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Good Doctor

The good doctor pulled the bedsheet over the face of one of his patients, then went out in the hall to speak with the family. “How is he, Doc?” the patient’s wife asked anxiously.  “Well,” the doctor replied, “he’s finally stable.”...
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Frog

Nancy was walking down the street when she noticed a sign in a pet shop window that read, “Pussylicking frog – see inside!” Intrigued, Nancy stepped into the store to speak with the owner. “Hello,” she called out. “Bonjour!” replied the owner. ...
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Fox

Question: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Answer: Marry her. ...
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Fucking

Young Tommy asked his father, “Daddy, what is making love?” The father quickly answered, “I don’t know, son. I think it’s something your mother does when I fuck her.”...
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