Bits & Pieces
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“It’s a new show on the HUSTLER Channel called Dick Dynasty.”
“It’s a new show on the HUSTLER Channel called Dick Dynasty.”...
“Fever, sweating, nausea… Have you been to Liberia or had sex with Ann Coulter in the past 21 days?”
“Fever, sweating, nausea… Have you been to Liberia or had sex with Ann Coulter in the past 21 days?”...
“Till death do us part… or you become a fat, ugly bitch, whichever comes first.”
“Till death do us part… or you become a fat, ugly bitch, whichever comes first.”...
“I like it!”
“I like it!”...
“Your government has evidence that your dreams are lewd, grossly obscene, and violate all community standards. You have the right to remain silent…”
“Your government has evidence that your dreams are lewd, grossly obscene, and violate all community standards. You have the right to remain silent…”...
“In a predictable move today, the Food and Drug Administration has banned Governor Chris Christie…”
“In a predictable move today, the Food and Drug Administration has banned Governor Chris Christie…”...
“The nominations for best actress who survived an interracial anal gangbang are…”
“The nominations for best actress who survived an interracial anal gangbang are…”...
“I’m no racist, but I sure wish you would put those damn things away when I’m here!”
“I’m no racist, but I sure wish you would put those damn things away when I’m here!”...
“Why you gotta go out and spend good money at a strip club, when I can strip for you right here at home?”
“Why you gotta go out and spend good money at a strip club, when I can strip for you right here at home?”...
“Dad, I’ve got a question about sex: when Uncle Freddie does my butt, can I get pregnant?”
“Dad, I’ve got a question about sex: when Uncle Freddie does my butt, can I get pregnant?”...
“I don’t understand why this country is always fretting about unemployment figures. I’m very happy, and I’ve never had a job in my life!”
“I don’t understand why this country is always fretting about unemployment figures. I’m very happy, and I’ve never had a job in my life!”...
That’s Once
A newspaper reporter visited a local couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary to ask about the secret to their long and happy marriage. The husband confided, “Well, I’d say it dates back to our honeymoon. We rode by horse to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but we hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s...
Father O’Grady
In tears, Mary Clancy went up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service. “Oh, Father, I’ve got just awful news! My husband passed away last night.” “I’m so sorry, Mary. That’s terrible. Tell me, my dear, did he have any last requests?” “That he did.” The priest put his arm around Mary. “And what...
Sinners
After perishing in a tragic accident, four celebrities appeared in St. Peter’s waiting room. A booming voice came over the intercom telling Hugh Jackman to go to Room 1. There he saw a huge wild boar, and the voice said, “Mr. Jackman, you have sinned and must spend eternity with this swine.” Daniel Craig was...
Millionaire
Drinks are on me,” announced a 70-year-old millionaire to his friends in a country club bar. “I’m getting married to an 18-year-old lingerie model tomorrow!” “I know you’ve got money,” said another club member. “But even so, how did you manage to get such a gorgeous, young girl to marry a guy your age?” “I...
Fertilizer
Question: What do you call six lawyers lying on a lawn? Answer: Fertilizer ...
See Double
Question: Why is whiskey such a popular drink? Answer: It makes you see double and feel single....
“Sorry, honey. It was an emergency. I needed a blow job and your sister was the first responder.”
“Sorry, honey. It was an emergency. I needed a blow job and your sister was the first responder.”...
“Ebola just moved up to the number two position of things that scare the shit out of Americans, right below Ann Coulter.”
“Ebola just moved up to the number two position of things that scare the shit out of Americans, right below Ann Coulter.”...
“In an attempt to stop being the ‘stupid party’ the Republican National Committee has asked Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Louie Gohmert to leave.”
“In an attempt to stop being the ‘stupid party’ the Republican National Committee has asked Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Louie Gohmert to leave.”...
