Graffilthy
If I should diebefore I wake,Bronze my dickfor goodness’ sake.As for the womenI didn’t screw,This hard metal cockis just for you....
Bits & Pieces
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Wishing Well
Connie hiked to a wishing well on top of a hill, where the cutie encountered a man with tears rolling down his cheeks. “What’s wrong?” she inquired. “My wife and I came up here to make a wish,” he told her. “I made mine, and then she did hers, but she leaned over too far....
Erect Penis
Bob walked into his new doctor’s office and was greeted by a gorgeous receptionist. “Would you like to tell me your problem?” she asked. “It’s rather embarrassing,” Bob stammered. “I, uh, have a very large penis, and I’m almost constantly erect.” “Well, the doctor is very busy today,” the receptionist cooed. “But maybe I can...
HUSTLER Humor
As always, the latest issue of HUSTLER HUMOR magazine is chockfull of demented, perverted and irreverent cartoons, pics and jokes. If that’s what you’re into, call 1-800-763-8271 ext. 7651 to order. If you’re easily offended, treat this publication like the U.S. government treats the Constitution—avoid it at all costs....
“Who says I want to get fucking married?!”
“Who says I want to get fucking married?!”...
“I am messed up, Doc! I’m faithful to my wife, I listen to country music, and I hate basketball.”
“I am messed up, Doc! I’m faithful to my wife, I listen to country music, and I hate basketball.”...
“What kind of wine do you suggest for a chick who just wants to get laid?”
“What kind of wine do you suggest for a chick who just wants to get laid?”...
“I promise to repeal Obamacare! I promise to end Big Government spending! I promise to never raise taxes! I promise I won’t come in your mouth!”
“I promise to repeal Obamacare! I promise to end Big Government spending! I promise to never raise taxes! I promise I won’t come in your mouth!”...
“You people make me sick! Always asking for a handout and sucking off the government’s tit! Why can’t you get a job like the rest of us working stiffs?!”
“You people make me sick! Always asking for a handout and sucking off the government’s tit! Why can’t you get a job like the rest of us working stiffs?!”...
“Okay, Mr. Smith, we’re convinced you didn’t beat your wife. Just try to take it easy in the future when you’re fuck-starting her face.”
“Okay, Mr. Smith, we’re convinced you didn’t beat your wife. Just try to take it easy in the future when you’re fuck-starting her face.”...
“I’ve created an app for guys who can’t get blowjobs from their wives. It’s called Girl Next Door.”
“I’ve created an app for guys who can’t get blowjobs from their wives. It’s called Girl Next Door.”...
“We’ve been together so long, we can finish each other’s bowel movements.”
“We’ve been together so long, we can finish each other’s bowel movements.”...
“Since you’re ‘on the rag,’ that leaves two choices—a lump in your throat or a pain in your ass.”
“Since you’re ‘on the rag,’ that leaves two choices—a lump in your throat or a pain in your ass.”...
“Of course I’m married. What, you think I’m afraid of commitment?”
“Of course I’m married. What, you think I’m afraid of commitment?”...
“We should have become U.S. citizens and started our own Tea Party revolution. That’s destroying America better than anything we’ve ever come up with.”
“We should have become U.S. citizens and started our own Tea Party revolution. That’s destroying America better than anything we’ve ever come up with.”...
“I’ve never licked a black pussy before. I heard it tastes just like fried chicken!”
“I’ve never licked a black pussy before. I heard it tastes just like fried chicken!”...
Mary
Mary was a very sheltered 18-year-old who was finally going on her first date. But her mother had some stern advice: “Don’t let the man put a hand up your dress.” Mary promised to obey. After going into town for dinner and a movie, Mary and her date were parked in a lover’s lane. The...
Religion
Grant told his pal at the bar, “My ex-wife brought religion into my life.” “Oh, yeah?” his buddy remarked. “Yeah,” Grant muttered. “I never believed in Hell until after we got married.”...
Masturbator
Question: What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates? Answer: A tearjerker....
Lecture
A pedestrian walking rather gingerly was stopped by a police officer a little past 2 a.m. and asked where he was going. The man said, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as the health risks associated with smoking and staying...
Jockey
Two teachers took a bunch of fourth- and fifth-graders on a field trip to a Kentucky landmark. They would be spending the day at a world-famous racetrack, where they’d learn about thoroughbred horses and watch them run. As the hours passed, the children had to relieve themselves. It was decided that the girls would go...
Pubic hair
When Iris noticed her first pubic hairs, she asked her mom, “Why is my monkey getting fuzzy?” “It’s a sign that you are growing up,” Iris’s mom explained. “Be proud that your monkey has finally started to grow hair.” During dinner, Iris proudly announced, “My monkey has started growing hair.” “That’s nothing to brag about,”...
Cheapskate
One blustery evening a cheapskate millionaire was about to walk out the door. “Jackie,” he barked at his wife, “put your hat and coat on!” “Are you taking me out for a few drinks at the bar, darling?” Jackie asked. “Nah, I’m just turning the heat off while I’m out.”...
Identity
A doctor asked a pregnant prostitute if she knew the identity of the father. “Doc,” the hooker retorted, “if you ate a can of beans, would you be able to say which one made you fart?”...
