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humor

Jockey

Two teachers took a bunch of fourth- and fifth-graders on a field trip to a Kentucky landmark. They would be spending the day at a world-famous racetrack, where they’d learn about thoroughbred horses and watch them run. As the hours passed, the children had to relieve themselves. It was decided that the girls would go...
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Pubic hair

When Iris noticed her first pubic hairs, she asked her mom, “Why is my monkey getting fuzzy?” “It’s a sign that you are growing up,” Iris’s mom explained. “Be proud that your monkey has finally started to grow hair.” During dinner, Iris proudly announced, “My monkey has started growing hair.” “That’s nothing to brag about,”...
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Cheapskate

One blustery evening a cheapskate millionaire was about to walk out the door. “Jackie,” he barked at his wife, “put your hat and coat on!” “Are you taking me out for a few drinks at the bar, darling?” Jackie asked. “Nah, I’m just turning the heat off while I’m out.”...
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Identity

A doctor asked a pregnant prostitute if she knew the identity of the father. “Doc,” the hooker retorted, “if you ate a can of beans, would you be able to say which one made you fart?”...
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Graffilthy

I met a Jewess named Naomi,who I then asked to blow me.But she glimpsed my foreskin,and no balls hit her chin.It seems my poor dick wasn’t kosher....
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XXX Legend’s Final Frontier

CoCo Brown’s work in adult entertainment opened up opportunities for her as a musician (under the moniker Ms. No Tonsils) and as an actress in mainstream fare (2005’s Antibodies). Now this restless sexpot is aiming for the stars—literally. Brown has booked a flight on an SXC space plane that will shoot space tourists 62 miles...
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Burn, Barbie, Burn

This is either a member of the women’s-rights group FEMEN staging a topless protest at the Barbie Dreamhouse Experience in Berlin, or Ken’s mistress finally got tired of his empty promises to leave Barbie and decided to crucify the skinny bitch. What does the body graffiti say? “Life in plastic is not fantastic.”...
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Boob Bonanza

Coney Island’s 31st annual Mermaid Parade almost didn’t happen this summer due to a lack of cash. Thanks to some skillful last-minute fundraising, the quirky spectacle was saved and, once again, activists marched for the civil rights of all mer-creatures. Or maybe this is just an excuse for babes to bare their breasts in public....
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Love handles

After taking a long hot bubble bath, an aging porn star was examining herself in a full-length mirror. As she recalled her younger, thinner, sexier body, she said aloud, “Lord, if you help me get rid of these love handles, I promise to dedicate myself to you forever.” All of a sudden her ears fell...
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Jewish divorce

Lilith complained to her old-fashioned Jewish mother, “I’m divorcing Irv. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a nickel.” “You’re married to a multimillionaire businessman,” her mom remarked. “You live in an eight-bedroom mansion, you...
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Lesbians

Question: What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? Answer: A licker cabinet....

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