“No, I did not come already! That’s pus from the clap you gave me!”
“No, I did not come already! That’s pus from the clap you gave me!”...
Bits & Pieces
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“Mr. Christ? Abe Stein, personal injury lawyer!”
“Mr. Christ? Abe Stein, personal injury lawyer!”...
“Underdeveloped country—my ass!”
“Underdeveloped country—my ass!”...
Hot doctor
Dan arrived at the doctor’s office only to discover that his new physician was a drop-dead gorgeous redhead. At first he was embarrassed, but the doctor soothed, “Don’t worry. I’m a professional. I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll check it out.” So Dan quickly dropped his pants. “My wife...
Brazilian brunette
I just slept with a Brazilian,” a brunette confided to her blond friend. “Omigod!” the blonde gasped. “You slut! How many is a Brazilian?”...
Male chauvinist
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinist? Answer: A woman who won’t do as she’s told....
Welfare
Maybel was filling out forms in the welfare office when the clerk asked how many children she had. “Ten boys,” Maybel answered, “all of ’em named Bobby.” “Really?!” the clerk exclaimed. “Yes, sir. That way, when I want ’em to come in for dinner, I just yell ‘Bobby!’” “But what if you just want one...
Fat ass
As her mother was cooking dinner, little Amy blurted, “Mommy, you’re getting so fat!” “I guess I am,” sighed her mother. “But remember, Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know that,” Amy said solemnly. “But what’s growing in your ass?”...
Broken fridge
Upon arriving home from the golf course, Blake found a note from his wife on the fridge: “It’s not working! I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother.” When Blake opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, and there was ice. “What the hell is she talking about?”...
College graduate
When Andy reported for his first day of work at a supermarket, the manager immediately handed him a broom and said, “Welcome aboard. Your first job will be to sweep the floor.” “But I’m a college graduate!” Andy cried indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” the manager grunted. “I didn’t know that. Here, give me the broom....
Mother-in-law
Question: What’s the best way to talk to your mother-in-law? Answer: Through a medium....
Sore ass
Hungover and hurting bad, Mike bitched to Jim, “There’s nothing worse than waking up with a sore head and less money than you thought you had.” Jim disagreed: “Could be worse. You could wake up with a sore ass and more money than you thought you had.”...
Politicians
Question: How many politicians does it take to tile a bathroom floor? Answer: It depends on how thinly you slice ’em....
Pregnant nun
During confession a nun admitted, “Father, I have sinned. I’m pregnant!” “But how did this happen, Sister?” the shocked priest inquired. “I think it must be the second coming,” the nun explained. “What in God’s name makes you think this is the second coming?” “Because I swallowed the first one,” Father.”...
Wrong hole
There once was a manfrom BrightonWho said to his girl,“You’re a tight un.”She cried, “’Pon my soul,you’re in the wrong hole.There’s plenty of roomin the right one.”...
Streaks & Stripes
Wearing little more than sneakers, a horde of activists recently dashed through the London Zoo to raise funds and awareness for the endangered Sumatran tiger. The streakers—one for each of the 300 rare cats still remaining in the wild— earned 60,000 pounds (nearly $100,000) for the Zoological Society of London’s work to protect the species....
Fuckable Faculty
The headmaster of a British private school caught some major crap for recommending that a XXX performer conduct sex-ed classes. He argued that a hardcore pro could help students learn the difference between porn and genuine intimacy. They’d also finally grasp the delicate distinction between a “Hot Carl” and a “Cleveland Steamer.”...
Shake It, Baby!
Welcome to the 16th annual Exotic Dancer Awards Show—held where else but Sin City. For three days Vegas turned into one big pussy bar. Gawkers drank to excess, cheered on favorites and relished the stripper sweat spraying their faces. Erotic entertainers from around the world jiggled, snaked and writhed onstage and made it rain in...
“Okay, I’ve manned up. It’s time for you to open your mouth and woman up!”
“Okay, I’ve manned up. It’s time for you to open your mouth and woman up!”...
“Oh, yeah! Pussies are like bad weather: When it’s wet, go inside!”
“Oh, yeah! Pussies are like bad weather: When it’s wet, go inside!”...
“Would you mind shaving it? It reminds me too much of Duck Dynasty.”
“Would you mind shaving it? It reminds me too much of Duck Dynasty.”...
“He looks so natural. He never did pass up an opportunity to show off his giant cock.”
“He looks so natural. He never did pass up an opportunity to show off his giant cock.”...
“Well, how about that—I’m not pregnant!”
“Well, how about that—I’m not pregnant!”...
“I’ll bet you’ve never had someone find your G spot with his testicles.”
“I’ll bet you’ve never had someone find your G spot with his testicles.”...
