Bits & Pieces
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“If alcohol will never touch your lips, how about a big, juicy, throbbing cock?”
“If alcohol will never touch your lips, how about a big, juicy, throbbing cock?”...
“In this next scene your parents have just died in a horrible car crash, and Leroy here comforts you by shoving his huge black cock in your ass. Action!”
“In this next scene your parents have just died in a horrible car crash, and Leroy here comforts you by shoving his huge black cock in your ass. Action!”...
“Damn! The new torture field guide says we can’t use waterboarding, sleep deprivation or naked pictures of Ann Coulter to extract information from prisoners!”
“Damn! The new torture field guide says we can’t use waterboarding, sleep deprivation or naked pictures of Ann Coulter to extract information from prisoners!”...
“Wow! And I thought you cops only ate donuts!”
“Wow! And I thought you cops only ate donuts!”...
“I sent my representative to Congress to represent me and vote his conscience, but it turns out the bastard doesn’t have a conscience.”
“I sent my representative to Congress to represent me and vote his conscience, but it turns out the bastard doesn’t have a conscience.”...
“Bite the pillow, bitch—I’m going in dry!”
“Bite the pillow, bitch—I’m going in dry!”...
“I don’t need a marriage counselor. I need a blowjob.”
“I don’t need a marriage counselor. I need a blowjob.”...
“The IRS position? But that’s my assho…Ohhhh!”
“The IRS position? But that’s my assho…Ohhhh!”...
“Mr. Cheney, tell us about the nerve-racking wait for your heart transplant while they looked for the right-size rock.”
“Mr. Cheney, tell us about the nerve-racking wait for your heart transplant while they looked for the right-size rock.”...
“There’s a hundred grand here. All you gotta do is kill Obamacare. But you gotta make it look like an accident.”
“There’s a hundred grand here. All you gotta do is kill Obamacare. But you gotta make it look like an accident.”...
“My wife and I were going to commit suicide together. But when she jumped, I suddenly felt a lot better, and I decided that maybe life was worth living after all!”
“My wife and I were going to commit suicide together. But when she jumped, I suddenly felt a lot better, and I decided that maybe life was worth living after all!”...
“Oh, Harold, please don’t!”
“Oh, Harold, please don’t!”...
“Did you see the headline? Some middle-aged married guy made his own fucking sandwich!”
“Did you see the headline? Some middle-aged married guy made his own fucking sandwich!”...
Pickup spot
Two men were chugging beers in the lounge of a hot pickup spot. “I don’t get it,” one complained. “Herb is butt-ugly, he has no taste in clothes, and he drives a 20-year-old car. Yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here.” “Yeah,” the other agreed. “And he’s not even...
Cemetary
So where are you coming from?” Jim asked Nick when the two bumped into each other on the sidewalk. “The cemetery,” Nick answered. “I just buried my mother-in-law.” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” Jim sympathized. “But what are those scratches on your face?” “The old broad put up one heck of a fight.”...
Men in Shower
I read a study that claimed 90% of all men masturbate in the shower,” Meg told Ted, her boyfriend. “And the other 10% sing.” “Really?” Ted asked. “Yes,” Meg said. “And do you know what song they sing?” “No idea.” “I didn’t think so.”...
Impossible girlfriend
My fucking girlfriend is impossible to please,” Matt grumbled to his buddy. “Last week I tried to show her that I was thinking about the future of our relationship, but she got mad as hell.” “What did you do this time?” the buddy wondered. “I put a case of beer in her refrigerator instead of...
