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Orgasm

Bertha explained to her gynecologist, “Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.” “I see,” he said. “And what are you taking for this condition?” “Pepper,” Bertha replied....
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Greenhorn

Police Sergeant MacTavish was quizzing a roomful of new recruits. “What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?” he asked. “Call for backup!” a greenhorn hollered from the back row....
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Mother fuck

It was a Saturday night, and Ted and Mike were pounding beers at the bar. Three pitchers in, Ted turned to Mike and slurred, “I fucked your mother last night.” Mike slowly rose from his chair and said, “Okay, Dad, it’s time to go home.”...
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Family reunion

Two former college roommates ran into each other at a bar and began reminiscing. “Whatever happened to that superhot blonde you were going to marry?” one asked. “Everything was going great until I took her to my family reunion,” the other responded. “Then what?” “She met my rich granddad. Now she’s my grandmother.”...
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Pillow

Question: What does it mean when the woman in your bed is gasping for breath and calling your name? Answer: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough....
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911 call

A soon-to-be father dialed 911 and told the dispatcher, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” he was asked. “No, you idiot!” the frantic caller shouted. “This is her husband!”...
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Antibiotics

Question: What do you give a man who has everything? Answer: Antibiotics....
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Blowjob

Joe finally scored a date with Emma and picked the sexy babe up at her parents’ home. He’d scrounged enough money to dine at a fancy restaurant, where Emma ordered the most expensive items on the menu: shrimp cocktail, lobster and champagne. A little taken aback, Joe asked, “Does your mother feed you like that...
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Graffilthy

There once was a lousenamed Weiner,Who took dirty picsof his peter.He sexted young babesAnd dug his own grave.He’s why a true dick’scalled a Weiner....
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No.2 Rules

Sim Jae-Duck—ex-mayor of Suwon, Korea—was born in a toilet (literally!) and fixated by the ol’ dump ever since. He felt it his duty to clean up the city’s poopers and was known around town as Mr. Toilet. In homage to his obsession, the good mayor built his home in the shape of a john and...
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All Hands on Dick

This one-stop bate shop boasts a five-finger discount every day of the week. Visit its location in Bonita Beach, Florida, where a friendly staff of wankers will be happy to assist you. They offer the ultimate fly-fishing experience....
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Gutter Talk

XXX stars love to play with heavy balls, especially for a good cause! At the recent Porn Star Bowling Fundraiser—cohosted by the Free Speech Coalition and LATATA (Licensed Adult Talent Agents Trade Association)— upwards of 300 jizz-bizzers and their fans celebrated America’s right to say any-fucking-thing we want. You hear that, NSA? Of course you...
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