Bits & Pieces
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Onanistic Overachievers
Since 1995, adventurous men and women in cities like San Francisco, London and Montreal have been staging Masturbate-a-Thons. The current record for longest wanking session is reportedly almost ten hours. On the other hand, the fastest ejaculation is rumored to have occurred when Congressman Paul Ryan found an Internet photo of Ayn Rand’s wide-open butt...
Alluring Android
In the near future, countless workers will be replaced by machines. Even strippers will be in peril if erotic robots—like this model unveiled at a tech fair in Hanover, Germany—catch on. But can it give a lap dance without electrocuting our junk?...
Digitally Demented
Longtime HUSTLER cartoonist Dan Collins recently launched an e-publishing company called Fun-E-Books. To purchase cool titles like Collins’s More! Cartoons That Will Send Me Straight to Hell—or How to Draw Cartoon Cars, penned by his cohort George Trosley—visit Fun-E-BooksPublishing.com....
Pole Position
Pole dancing has gone mainstream. Once a sacred art practiced only by high priestesses of Skankdom, it’s now exercise fodder for Midwestern grandmothers. Dust off your moves, ladies, because the World Pole Dance Championships 2013 is right around the corner....
Burly-Q Babes
The burlesque revival offers a fun outlet for exhibitionists who want to dabble in old-school striptease techniques. Dudes in the audience get to ogle hot women without breathing the gonorrhea-thick air of a strip joint. What’s not to love? These pics were snapped at the inaugural Minneapolis Burlesque Festival....
“Okay, guys, this obstruction thing is getting ridiculous!”
“Okay, guys, this obstruction thing is getting ridiculous!”...
“I like that much better…”
“I like that much better…”...
“Give me a hunk of that burger and a few fries, and I’ll go shit on the Kardashians.”
“Give me a hunk of that burger and a few fries, and I’ll go shit on the Kardashians.”...
THE TYPICAL REPUBLICAN SENATOR
THE TYPICAL REPUBLICAN SENATOR...
“You must be psychic! How did you know I was divorced?”
“You must be psychic! How did you know I was divorced?”...
“Mom tells me you wanna talk to me about sex. Gee, Dad, I didn’t know you were having problems in the bedroom.”
“Mom tells me you wanna talk to me about sex. Gee, Dad, I didn’t know you were having problems in the bedroom.”...
“Good news. Nothing about assfucking or cumming in her mouth!”
“Good news. Nothing about assfucking or cumming in her mouth!”...
“I can’t believe you use The Wall Street Journal for a blanket! We live in an alley because of those assholes!”
“I can’t believe you use The Wall Street Journal for a blanket! We live in an alley because of those assholes!”...
“I’m glad the tobacco industry had to give up all those unsightly billboards. I wonder who bought all the ad space?”
“I’m glad the tobacco industry had to give up all those unsightly billboards. I wonder who bought all the ad space?”...
“Akin was right. The female body has a mechanism to shut down that whole rape thing. Just ask his wife!”
“Akin was right. The female body has a mechanism to shut down that whole rape thing. Just ask his wife!”...
“I see. I take it that is a firm no on the prospect of having anal sex later.”
“I see. I take it that is a firm no on the prospect of having anal sex later.”...
“How much did those fake titties cost? I’m blind, not stupid.”
“How much did those fake titties cost? I’m blind, not stupid.”...
“I used to think all medical plans were pretty much the same.”
“I used to think all medical plans were pretty much the same.”...
“Gee, Donnie, remember when we used to kiss sometimes?”
“Gee, Donnie, remember when we used to kiss sometimes?”...
Penis Enlarger
Adam was drinking with a pal when he muttered, “My wife thinks my dick’s too small, Charlie.” “How do you know?” Charlie asked. “She told me to get a penis enlarger,” Adam glumly mumbled. “My ex-wife told me the same thing,” Charlie said. “So I got one. She was 18 years old, and her name...
Sex-change
An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. As he stepped up to the receptionist, he noticed that the woman looked like a Sumo wrestler. The fogey gave her his name, and she immediately said in a loud voice, “You’re here to see the doctor about...
