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“As long as we’re gonna stop being the stupid party, we may as well stop being the motherfucking racist-asshole party too.”
“As long as we’re gonna stop being the stupid party, we may as well stop being the motherfucking racist-asshole party too.”...
“That’s the truest thing she’s ever said.”
“That’s the truest thing she’s ever said.”...
“She’s never bought herself a drink in her life…”
“She’s never bought herself a drink in her life…”...
“Okay, okay, I have a small penis. But must you use it to floss with?”
“Okay, okay, I have a small penis. But must you use it to floss with?”...
“Sure, you can stop over, fuck me and come in my mouth. Who is this?”
“Sure, you can stop over, fuck me and come in my mouth. Who is this?”...
“I got rid of the ‘yes’ men and got some ‘yes’ women.”
“I got rid of the ‘yes’ men and got some ‘yes’ women.”...
“He ain’t the only one, pal!”
“He ain’t the only one, pal!”...
“Gaze on that, Yolanda! Would you lick anything that looked and smelled like a swamp?!”
“Gaze on that, Yolanda! Would you lick anything that looked and smelled like a swamp?!”...
“I’ll forgive you this time, Irene. It’s Thanksgiving, and I know how you prefer dark meat.”
“I’ll forgive you this time, Irene. It’s Thanksgiving, and I know how you prefer dark meat.”...
Jokes-Hot Dog
Paul was constantly ashamed of his small pecker. When a chick named Mabel fell in love with him just after his 25th birthday, he was determined to keep her despite his shortcoming. So Paul turned off the lights during sex and used a hot dog as a replacement phallus. For seven years Mabel never noticed...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What did the 70-year-old pedophile priest say when he got out of prison? Answer: I feel like a kid again....
Jokes-Phone Sex
Danny was walking his golden retriever puppy along the beach when a drop-dead-gorgeous blonde walked over. “He’s adorable,” the babe chirped. “What’s his name?” “Phone Sex,” Danny replied. “Why the heck would you name a dog Phone Sex!?” the blonde asked. “Because,” Danny explained, “he comes whenever I call him.”...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What does a dominatrix give her best client on his birthday? Answer: A gag gift....
Jokes-Cletis
Cletis was passing by Billy Bob’s barn when he saw the numbskull doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old tractor. Cletis rushed in and howled, “What in the world are ya doin’, Billy Bob?” “Me and the wife been havin’ trouble lately in the bedroom department,” Cletis explained as he continued...
Jokes-Impotent
A hip dude named Dwayne was walking down the street when he ran into his friend Maurice. “Hey, man, what’s with that tuxedo?” Maurice wondered. “It’s not even lunchtime!” “I’m on my way to get a vasectomy,” Dwayne remarked. “If I’m gon na be impotent, I wanna look impotent.”...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What’s a Yankee? Answer: It’s just like a quickie, but a guy can do it alone....
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Answer: Getting her back into the hospital bed when you’re done....
Jokes-Vagina
Jasper shuffled into the kitchen one morning, and the hillbilly’s sourpuss wife asked him how he felt. “I feels good,” Jasper replied. “But you looks bad,” the missus said. When Jasper reported for work at the coal mine, his foreman asked him how he felt. “I feels good,” Jasper announced. “But I gotta say you...
Graffilthy
Sex is evil.Sex is a sin.But sins are forgiven,So let me stick it in!...
Onanistic Overachievers
Since 1995, adventurous men and women in cities like San Francisco, London and Montreal have been staging Masturbate-a-Thons. The current record for longest wanking session is reportedly almost ten hours. On the other hand, the fastest ejaculation is rumored to have occurred when Congressman Paul Ryan found an Internet photo of Ayn Rand’s wide-open butt...
Alluring Android
In the near future, countless workers will be replaced by machines. Even strippers will be in peril if erotic robots—like this model unveiled at a tech fair in Hanover, Germany—catch on. But can it give a lap dance without electrocuting our junk?...
Digitally Demented
Longtime HUSTLER cartoonist Dan Collins recently launched an e-publishing company called Fun-E-Books. To purchase cool titles like Collins’s More! Cartoons That Will Send Me Straight to Hell—or How to Draw Cartoon Cars, penned by his cohort George Trosley—visit Fun-E-BooksPublishing.com....
Pole Position
Pole dancing has gone mainstream. Once a sacred art practiced only by high priestesses of Skankdom, it’s now exercise fodder for Midwestern grandmothers. Dust off your moves, ladies, because the World Pole Dance Championships 2013 is right around the corner....
