Bits & Pieces
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“You shouldn’t get down on yourself for not being as smart as the other kids. Look at Louie Gohmert and Michele Bachmann. They’re in Congress, and they’re both fucking retarded!”
“You shouldn’t get down on yourself for not being as smart as the other kids. Look at Louie Gohmert and Michele Bachmann. They’re in Congress, and they’re both fucking retarded!”...
“I don’t care if you took Viagra and have a four-hour erection. A worthless two-inch dick is still a worthless two-inch dick.”
“I don’t care if you took Viagra and have a four-hour erection. A worthless two-inch dick is still a worthless two-inch dick.”...
“Okay, I can’t see, and I let you tie me up. So what’s this big surprise you promised me?”
“Okay, I can’t see, and I let you tie me up. So what’s this big surprise you promised me?”...
“Everyone knows that masturbation is normal, Kyle, but not at the dinner table and especially not when your grandparents are here.”
“Everyone knows that masturbation is normal, Kyle, but not at the dinner table and especially not when your grandparents are here.”...
“Well, I kept yelling, ‘Don’t move or I’ll cum!’ But, nah, you had to go and move.”
“Well, I kept yelling, ‘Don’t move or I’ll cum!’ But, nah, you had to go and move.”...
“Do me a favor…Google me whatever you can find on poodle pussy.”
“Do me a favor…Google me whatever you can find on poodle pussy.”...
“A piece of shit is a good guess, but I’m actually supposed to be a Republican.”
“A piece of shit is a good guess, but I’m actually supposed to be a Republican.”...
“Good job, Kenny! You really earned your knot-tying merit badge!…Now go away!”
“Good job, Kenny! You really earned your knot-tying merit badge!…Now go away!”...
“Christ, it’s fuckin’ true! The public found out they can sue congressmen for malpractice!”
“Christ, it’s fuckin’ true! The public found out they can sue congressmen for malpractice!”...
“Miss, I think you have one of the strongest cases I’ve ever seen. What is the plastic surgeon’s name?”
“Miss, I think you have one of the strongest cases I’ve ever seen. What is the plastic surgeon’s name?”...
“Reports continue to filter in! The country is still under attack by hordes of brain-eating zombies! Strangely, regular viewers of Fox News go untouched.”
“Reports continue to filter in! The country is still under attack by hordes of brain-eating zombies! Strangely, regular viewers of Fox News go untouched.”...
Jokes-Satan
Fed up with her husband’s drinking, Marybeth decided to teach Albert a lesson. As usual, he left for his regular watering hole right after dinner, while Marybeth proceeded to stitch together a terrifying devil costume. Hoping to frighten Albert and remind him of his sinful ways, she waited by the front door until he returned....
Jokes-Razor
Looking for his favorite shaving products at a London pharmacy, a Texan tourist named Tim bellowed, “Y’all got any American razor blades in this fancy store? All I see are damn Billettes.” The British druggist said, “Billette ‘as been producing the finest swords, surgical instruments and razors since before Napoleon’s defeat at Waterloo.” “I don’t...
HUSTLER Wisdom
HUSTLER Wisdom:When you think about it, the penis has a pretty rough life. His family’s nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friends are pussies, his hair is always a mess, and—to top it off—the poor little dick’s owner habitually beats him until he vomits....
Jokes-Neighbors
Lucinda was in her ninth month of pregnancy and unable to deliver the goods in bed. So she gave her horny husband, Enrique, $20 and told him to approach their female neighbor, whose hubby was out of town, with a deal for sex. Enrique went next door without questioning his wife’s motive but came back...
Jokes-Cosmetic surgery
During a work break, Misty and Amanda were discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. “I need to be honest with you,” Misty fessed up. “I’m getting a boobjob.” “Aw, that’s nothing,” Amanda huffed. “I’m gonna have my asshole bleached!” “Really?” Misty wondered. “I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde.”...
Jokes-Lawyers
Question: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a hooker? Answer: The hooker stops fucking you after you’re dead....
Jokes-Butthole
A cop stopped his patrol car when he saw a couple sitting on the curb. The guy was borderline unconscious, lying on his side with his pants pulled down. The girl had her middle finger in his asshole, poking him with a vengeance. “What the hell’s going on here?!” the lawman asked. “This is my...
Graffilthy
In days of old, when knightswere bold, and rubbersweren’t invented.They wrapped a sockaround their cock.And that’s how babieswere prevented....
Jokes-Marybeth
Fed up with her husband’s drinking, Marybeth decided to teach Albert a lesson. As usual, he left for his regular watering hole right after dinner, while Marybeth proceeded to stitch together a terrifying devil costume. Hoping to frighten Albert and remind him of his sinful ways, she waited by the front door until he returned....
Warsaw Woodies
Recognizing that sex and death go together like peanut butter and chocolate or chloroform and cheerleaders, Polish coffin maker Lindner cooked up a very provocative promo calendar. So if you’d like to jerk off to a picture of a chick dragging a coffin away from the Titanic, order the firm’s awesomely weird creation at CalendarLindner.com....
Bloody Babes
This captivating picture of naked chicks drizzled with fake blood was snapped during an animal-rights protest in Madrid, Spain. If it’ll result in attractive female activists stripping in front of our headquarters, maybe HUSTLER should launch an animal experimentation and vivisection division after all....
Shocking Bust
Jennifer Marchant, better known to fans of plumper porn videos as Scarlett Rouge, is now facing a murder rap in New York City. According to news reports, her boyfriend bled to death after being stabbed in the neck during what authorities suspect was a domestic dispute with the former jizz-bizzer. Marchant claims she acted in...
