Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
Good Vibes
To commemorate a new line of high-end vibrators, sex-toy purveyor Doc Johnson threw a shindig at the HUSTLER Hollywood store in Los Angeles. Doc Johnson, which has been providing products to help people get off since 1976, introduced the Wonderland line, an assortment of designer vibrators for the discriminating woman who cares what goes inside...
Battle of the Boobs
Held annually in Las Vegas, the Miss Exotic Dancer competition pits the nation’s sexiest strippers against one another in order to crown the deftest disrober. The latest hoedown took place at the Déjà Vu gentlemen’s club, where Puerto Rican Princess was deemed to be in possession of the Hottest Body. Misty (Most Unique Show) and Mimi (Most Original)...
Beware the Creamy Filling
Mmmm. Genital warts have never tasted this good. For an exhibition at London’s Pathology Museum, curator “Miss Cakehead” and Two Little Cats Bakery collaborated to put these STD-themed cupcakes on display. The herpes flavor is delicious, but supergonorrhea is to die for....
Hardy-Har-Har
If you enjoyed the first installment of SHH! Productions’ SuperHorny in our May ’13 issue, you’d be a damn fool not to catch the saga’s thrilling conclusion in the latest issue of HUSTLER HUMOR magazine. Call 800-763-8271 ext. 7651 to order....
“I love the smell of pussy in the morning.”
“I love the smell of pussy in the morning.”...
“Now that’s the way to carry a bride across the threshold!”
“Now that’s the way to carry a bride across the threshold!”...
“Enjoy your stay, sir. The minibar is fully stocked— including antibiotics.”
“Enjoy your stay, sir. The minibar is fully stocked— including antibiotics.”...
“Your health is excellent, Sister Margaret. You know, I’d love to hear about your past sometime.”
“Your health is excellent, Sister Margaret. You know, I’d love to hear about your past sometime.”...
“This should fix it for us with the Hispanics.”
“This should fix it for us with the Hispanics.”...
“This won’t hinder your purchase, sir, but I have to ask. Have you ever been treated for any form of mental illness? Just say no.”
“This won’t hinder your purchase, sir, but I have to ask. Have you ever been treated for any form of mental illness? Just say no.”...
“I’m introducing legislation that will provide a firearm for every just-conceived fetus to protect itself from a godless pinko, liberal mommy who tries to get an abortion.”
“I’m introducing legislation that will provide a firearm for every just-conceived fetus to protect itself from a godless pinko, liberal mommy who tries to get an abortion.”...
“I’ll tell you what’s causing these incidents. There’s way too much violence on TV and in movies.”
“I’ll tell you what’s causing these incidents. There’s way too much violence on TV and in movies.”...
“This isn’t a mid-life crisis. This is knowingly banging a hot, young babe because my wife is an old, sexless bitch!”
“This isn’t a mid-life crisis. This is knowingly banging a hot, young babe because my wife is an old, sexless bitch!”...
“Careful. It can sense fear.”
“Careful. It can sense fear.”...
“The pussy is gonna cost 50 bucks. Now, if you want me to moan and groan like you’re hurting me, that’ll cost you an extra ten.”
“The pussy is gonna cost 50 bucks. Now, if you want me to moan and groan like you’re hurting me, that’ll cost you an extra ten.”...
“Hey, Jesus, wanna make some quick cash? Turn this water into crystal meth!”
“Hey, Jesus, wanna make some quick cash? Turn this water into crystal meth!”...
“We live in a nation of makers and takers. I make the cum, and you take it on the face.”
“We live in a nation of makers and takers. I make the cum, and you take it on the face.”...
Jokes-Frank
Frank suffered a serious heart attack while shopping for groceries. Paramedics rushed the 50-year-old bachelor to the nearest hospital, where he underwent quadruple bypass surgery. When Frank woke up, he found himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. A little later, Sister Rufina came to his room and wanted to know how...
Jokes – Q & A
Question: What’s the difference between an inner-city drug dealer and a high-class hooker? Answer: The hooker can rinse off her crack and sell it again....
Jokes – Blind Date
Returning home from her blind date with Thomas, Mary was on cloud nine. She happily tore off her clothes in the hallway, tossing them all over the place, and jumped into bed. The next morning, Mary’s roommate asked about her date. “It was all right,” Mary coyly replied. “It must have been a lot better...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Answer: He wiped his ass....
Jokes-Dumber
Jill and Dan took their ten-year-old son Timmy with them on a trip to France. One afternoon, ending up at a nude beach, the family decided to go with the flow. Timmy went swimming, but a few minutes later he ran back to his naked mother. “All of those ladies have boobs bigger than yours!”...
Jokes-Sheila’s ex
When Sheila ran into her ex-hubby Brent at a bar a year after their divorce, she was burning with curiosity about his current circumstances. Hoping that the dude’s life had gone down the tubes, she inquired about his well-being. “To be honest, I’m doing terribly,” Brent grumbled. “I’m depressed as hell, drinking too much and...
Jokes-Hooker
After listening to the elderly prostitute plead her case in his courtroom, newly appointed Judge Davenport wasn’t sure what to do. He called a brief recess and headed to his chambers. En route he bumped into Judge Forbes and asked, “What would you give a 66-year-old hooker?” “Oh, gosh,” Judge Forbes remarked. “Only 15 or...
Graffilthy
Out on a first date,Barry vowed not to drink.If he’s gentlemanly,maybe the chick’ll show pink.But the lady’s a prudeand thinks her shit don’t stink.So Barry slunk homeand jerked off in the sink....
