Bits & Pieces
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“Mr. Eastwood thinks Obama is sucking his cock.”
“Mr. Eastwood thinks Obama is sucking his cock.”...
“So how many first-graders can this baby take out per second?”
“So how many first-graders can this baby take out per second?”...
“I guess it’s possible God created all these dinosaur bones to test our faith. I’m thinking it’s more likely he created all you science-challenged,ignorant religious shitheads to test our patience.”
“I guess it’s possible God created all these dinosaur bones to test our faith. I’m thinking it’s more likely he created all you science-challenged,ignorant religious shitheads to test our patience.”...
“Ruthie can’t talk now! She’s too busy thinking about Jesus while getting dicked!”
“Ruthie can’t talk now! She’s too busy thinking about Jesus while getting dicked!”...
“Welcome to How Rich Do Republicans Get? My guest tonight istop GOP butt-boy of the rich, Speaker John Boehner.”
“Welcome to How Rich Do Republicans Get? My guest tonight istop GOP butt-boy of the rich, Speaker John Boehner.”...
“A quick blowjob from a street hooker…$20. Not having to beg you for sex when we get home…priceless.”
“A quick blowjob from a street hooker…$20. Not having to beg you for sex when we get home…priceless.”...
“What?! You have a headache and said I should take care of myself, so I called your sister.”
“What?! You have a headache and said I should take care of myself, so I called your sister.”...
“I know, it’s rough all over. I’m working two jobs myself just to make ends meet.”
“I know, it’s rough all over. I’m working two jobs myself just to make ends meet.”...
“Honey, tell me if going up your butt like this causes you any pain!”
“Honey, tell me if going up your butt like this causes you any pain!”...
“Since I’ll never have to run for office again, I just wanted to say: I was born in Kenya, I’m a Muslim and a socialist, and the Republican Party can go fuck themselves.”
“Since I’ll never have to run for office again, I just wanted to say: I was born in Kenya, I’m a Muslim and a socialist, and the Republican Party can go fuck themselves.”...
“Remember how you thought you didn’t like peanut butter until you tried it?”
“Remember how you thought you didn’t like peanut butter until you tried it?”...
“No, no, no, you’re still my best friend, Queenie. I’m just calling her my bitch for a domineering effect.”
“No, no, no, you’re still my best friend, Queenie. I’m just calling her my bitch for a domineering effect.”...
“Ahem…”
“Ahem…”...
Graffilthy
A burp is merelya gust of wind coming straight from the heart. But if it takes the southern route, it’ll come out as a stinky fart....
Joke 1
Paul and Stacey had been married for three years, and the honeymoon phase was definitely over. One morning the young couple had another whale of a spat. As Paul was leaving for work, he got in a parting shot: “You’re lousy in bed!” Hours later, while sitting at his desk, Paul started to feel bad...
Joke 2
Question: What did the mathematician do when he got constipated?Answer: He worked it out with a pencil....
Joke 3
Don was a long-haul trucker who’d been out on the road for weeks. When he stopped at a brothel in Nevada, he went right up to the madam and announced, “I know just what I want!” “What’s that, sugar?” she asked. “I want your ugliest girl to make me a dry pot roast and tell...
Joke 4
Question: How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Answer: Just one, but it takes an entire emergency-room staff to remove it....
Joke 5
Betty came home from school one day and couldn’t wait to ask her mother about something. “Where do babies come from?” the fourth-grader inquired. “When mommies and daddies fall in love, they get married and have sex,” her mom explained. “Babies come from sex.” “What’s sex?” Betty wondered. Her mother pondered a moment, then answered,...
Joke 6
Question: What did the left nut say to the right nut?Answer: Don’t talk to the guy in the middle; he’s a dick....
Joke 7
Question: What do a condom and a coffin have in common?Answer: Both have a stiff inside, but one’s coming, and the other’s going!...
Joke 8
Charlie went to a movie and was surprised to find the theater almost empty. There was only a young woman sitting in the back row. Feeling bold, Charlie slid beside her and asked, “Mind if I sit here?” he asked. “Not at all,” the pretty gal replied. Once the flick started, Charlie looked over and...
Good Vibes
To commemorate a new line of high-end vibrators, sex-toy purveyor Doc Johnson threw a shindig at the HUSTLER Hollywood store in Los Angeles. Doc Johnson, which has been providing products to help people get off since 1976, introduced the Wonderland line, an assortment of designer vibrators for the discriminating woman who cares what goes inside...
Battle of the Boobs
Held annually in Las Vegas, the Miss Exotic Dancer competition pits the nation’s sexiest strippers against one another in order to crown the deftest disrober. The latest hoedown took place at the Déjà Vu gentlemen’s club, where Puerto Rican Princess was deemed to be in possession of the Hottest Body. Misty (Most Unique Show) and Mimi (Most Original)...
Beware the Creamy Filling
Mmmm. Genital warts have never tasted this good. For an exhibition at London’s Pathology Museum, curator “Miss Cakehead” and Two Little Cats Bakery collaborated to put these STD-themed cupcakes on display. The herpes flavor is delicious, but supergonorrhea is to die for....
