Go home, kid. This place is…
“Go home, kid. This place is fucked up beyond all recognition.”...
Bits & Pieces
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Just where…
“Just where the hell is our waitress?”...
You may now beg…
“You may now beg the bride for sex.”...
Can you not…
“Can you not do that?”...
I can’t go out with you tonight…
“I can’t go out with you tonight, Todd. I have to stay at home and wash my hair.”...
Gas prices go…
“Gas prices go down every day. Why can’t you?”...
I’ll be home soon…
“I’ll be home soon, honey. I just stopped to pick up a Happy Meal.”...
Obviously, I’ve scaled…
“Obviously, I’ve scaled the wrong fucking mountain!”...
Actually, I’m looking for…
“Actually, I’m looking for someone with computer skills, but hey, what the fuck, you’re hired!”...
A young man named Nick…
A young man named Nick went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. “I’m the pharmacist,” the woman he was talking to replied, “and we have no male employees. Is there something I could help you with?” “This is, uh, hard to talk about,” Nick responded. “I have a permanent erection,...
Asshole of the Month: Sarah Hukabee Sanders
This past February, President Biden delivered what most unbiased observers praised as one of the best State of the Union (SOTU) addresses ever—a masterful performance by a veteran politician at the top of his game. His alleged senility was proven to be nothing more than partisan bullshit as he eloquently touted the many accomplishments of...
Tatcat_TX
Hailing from Houston, Texas, Tatcat_TX works in accounting, but the “witty, spontaneous and fierce” 33-year-old has a hankering to be part of the skin biz. “The female body is so beautiful and seductive,” the 5-foot-2 Lone Star Stater professes. “What better place to show it off than in HUSTLER? There...
Little Puck
”I’m definitely a freaky sweetheart,” says Little Puck, 34, an award-winning clip artist from Chicago, Illinois. “I’m curious, funny, passionate and always on the lookout for my next big adventure.” The Windy City denizen photographed Felicia Fisher for Beaver Hunt (July ’21), and now she gets to show off her...
Road Head Warriors
Sure, getting a blowjob while cruising around behind the wheel might sound like the ultimate joyride, but be careful—you’re likely to hit some bumpy road on the path to auto-erotic bliss. The summer travel season is upon us, which means millions of Americans are about to get out on the highway for a taste of...
Ace Reporter Andy Campbell Exposes the Proud Boys
“PROUD BOYS, STAND BACK AND STAND BY…” — DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, 9/29/20 Who and what are the Proud Boys, with their provocative slogan “Fuck around and find out”? Are they a patriotic fraternal organization defending Western civilization? A men’s drinking club moonlighting as a vigilante defense force? An ultraconservative version of Fight Club? Or...
A HUSTLER Casino…
“A HUSTLER Casino right there! Then a HUSTLER Hollywood store over there!”...
A millionaire’s ugly daughter…
A millionaire’s ugly daughter asked her father, “Is it true that men want me for only one thing?” “Yes, I’m afraid it is,” her dad replied. “Is it my body?” the girl asked. “No, it’s my money,” the rich man muttered....
A traveling salesman stopped…
A traveling salesman stopped at a house in Nevada and knocked on the door. When 12-year-old Tommy opened it, the salesman asked, “Hey, kid, is your mother at home?” “No, sir, she’s over at the whorehouse,” Tommy replied. The salesman thought he must have misheard him, or maybe the kid was being a wiseass. Looking...
Ms. Simms was giving a lengthy assignment…
Ms. Simms was giving a lengthy assignment to her sixth-grade class. As the twentysomething began writing high on the whiteboard, she heard a giggle. Quickly turning around, she asked, “What’s so funny, Patrick?” “I just saw one of your garters,” Patrick answered, wide-eyed. “Get out!” Ms. Simms yelled. “And I don’t want to see you...
Question: How can a woman…
Question: How can a woman tell when her husband is dead? Answer: The sex is the same, but she can use the remote....
Lulu Chu
“I like to paint, read books, play video games and spend time with the people I love. I watch TV and go to movies, but surprisingly, I don’t watch porn. To my fans, I want you to know that I spend a lot of time online, answering questions. I want...
Butt’s Happening! Part 8
Greetings, ass aficionados! Prepare to stand at full attention, because we’re bringing up the rear once again with a collection of tantalizing tushies, breathtaking buttocks and cheer-worthy cheeks! What are you waiting for? Get cracking! Jana Cova Amy Douxxx Little Caprice Laura Desirée Bambi Wolfe Mia Huffman Romy Indy...
Fanny Limones
“I enjoy my body and sexuality, and I want to share them with the world,” says Fanny Limones, 26, who was born in Mexico and raised in Luverne, Minnesota. “I’m very driven by my goals. Being in HUSTLER is an honor for me and my modeling career.” The 5-foot-2 skin-mag...
“I love the way your eyes sparkle, the way your coat is so shiny, the way our ass smells like dog shit!”
“I love the way your eyes sparkle, the way your coat is so shiny, the way our ass smells like dog shit!”...
GOP Tried to Kill the Ethics Cops
House Democrats stopped them…at the very last second. It took nearly a week and 15 rounds of voting before Republicans accomplished their first order of business in the new Congress: electing a Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. Their second task was much quicker: devising a tactic to prevent fellow Republicans from facing accountability...
Dirty Deeds, Done Domestically
Looking to become more attractive to women? Never mind movie-star looks and big bank accounts—try doing the laundry and breaking out the vacuum once in a while. For decades, tall, dark and handsome has been the gold standard for what most women consider the ideal specimen of a man. Guys like Keanu Reeves and Jason...
