Bits & Pieces
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“Whenever I’m with you, we do the filthiest, most degrading and disgusting things. I’m falling deeply in love with you…”
“Whenever I’m with you, we do the filthiest, most degrading and disgusting things. I’m falling deeply in love with you…”...
“Yes, Mr. President, it’s possible to love this country and still hate Rudy Giuliani.”
“Yes, Mr. President, it’s possible to love this country and still hate Rudy Giuliani.”...
“That family really knows how to market themselves!”
“That family really knows how to market themselves!”...
“Of course I have selfish reasons for supporting Hillary’s run for the White House. I want another blowjob in the Oval Office—this time from a President!”
“Of course I have selfish reasons for supporting Hillary’s run for the White House. I want another blowjob in the Oval Office—this time from a President!”...
“I cannot tell a lie…the Democrats did it!”
“I cannot tell a lie…the Democrats did it!”...
“This has been a night I’ll always remember. I’m sure I’ll never forget how I wanted to fuck so bad, but your dick wouldn’t get hard.”
“This has been a night I’ll always remember. I’m sure I’ll never forget how I wanted to fuck so bad, but your dick wouldn’t get hard.”...
“This has been Fox News—keeping the uninformed misinformed. Good night.”
“This has been Fox News—keeping the uninformed misinformed. Good night.”...
“I’m sorry, Sarah. I know you wanted to run for President, but the public has finally figured out that you’re just a stupid fucking bitch.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah. I know you wanted to run for President, but the public has finally figured out that you’re just a stupid fucking bitch.”...
Statue
A woman was in bed with a young man when she heard her husband Joe opening the front door. “Hurry,” she hissed at her lover. “Stand in the corner.” She coated the young man in baby oil and then dusted him all over with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you,” she instructed. “Just...
Attractive
Question: What can a woman put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Answer: Her knees....
Therapy
After finishing a marathon sex session with a patient, Dr. Chang began to feel guilty over the ethics of fornicating with one of his charges. He felt so troubled that he went to therapy the next day to discuss his feelings. “Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients,” his therapist reassured him. “You’re...
Good Listener
Question: What did the man say when his wife complained that he never listened to a word she said? Answer: Nothing. He had no idea what she was bitching about....
Hitchhiker
A long-haired 20-year-old was hitchhiking through the Deep South when he got picked up by a mean-looking trucker. After riding for 30 minutes in silence, the hitchhiker finally said, “Aren’t you going to ask?” “Ask you what?” replied the trucker. “If I’m a boy or a girl.” “Don’t much matter,” replied the trucker. “I’m gonna...
Health Insurance
A wealthy benefactress was being given a hospital tour when she passed a room where a naked male patient was sitting on his bed and jerking off furiously. “Oh my God!” screamed the woman. “Why is this permitted?” The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, “This man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly...
Stars & Stripes Forever
Model Charlotte Stokely was stoked to land the cover of HUSTLER’s 41st Anniversary Edition. “Photographer Piper Ferguson called and said I was the perfect girl for the job. I’d been waiting to shoot with her forever, and a shot at being on the cover of HUSTLER? There’s no way I would turn that down!” Piper...
God Bless Orgies
“Remember, we are all strangers until we meet!” That’s not just a motto—it’s a religion—at least for The Social Club in Nashville. Founded in 1980, this swingers’ club recently sold its downtown location and moved to the suburbs. When its neighbors, including a private Christian school, called on the Metro Nashville Council for a zoning...
Oral Argument
A guy can get blown up serving his country, but if it went down during a year that happens to be a numeric euphemism for a certain sex position, he ain’t getting a commemorative license plate for it—at least not in Utah. Vietnam War veteran Arnold Breitenbach’s served a 12-month stint as a gunner. A...
Don’t Be Clothes-Minded!
Finally, government at work! The Venice Neighborhood Council recently approved a motion which grants women “the same rights as men to sunbathe topless on the sands of Venice Beach,” reasoning Venice Beach was modeled around the “European culture of Venice, Italy,” and “topless bathing is commonplace throughout Europe.” Don’t expect to see bare, bouncing boobies...
