“Clothes make the man. No clothes make the woman.”
“Clothes make the man. No clothes make the woman.”...
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
“Hey, I don’t like coming in your hair either, but didn’t you hear me yelling, ‘Swallow it, bitch, swallow it!’?”
“Hey, I don’t like coming in your hair either, but didn’t you hear me yelling, ‘Swallow it, bitch, swallow it!’?”...
“I say let’s cut his food stamps. Then I bet he’d get off his ass and find work!”
“I say let’s cut his food stamps. Then I bet he’d get off his ass and find work!”...
“I have the results from your stool specimen. Delicious!”
“I have the results from your stool specimen. Delicious!”...
“Is this strange, Roy? Since my divorce I’ve been living alone for over a year now. But I still go into the john and lock the door when I spank the monkey.”
“Is this strange, Roy? Since my divorce I’ve been living alone for over a year now. But I still go into the john and lock the door when I spank the monkey.”...
“Yeah, I only read the interviews too! Mainly ’cause Playboy don’t show pink!”
“Yeah, I only read the interviews too! Mainly ’cause Playboy don’t show pink!”...
“The first time I ever saw a pussy, I knew right then and there I had to see all of them.”
“The first time I ever saw a pussy, I knew right then and there I had to see all of them.”...
“Mom, I made it! I’m in the movies!”
“Mom, I made it! I’m in the movies!”...
“Call me old-fashioned, but I think a guy should beat his meat staring at a girlie mag and not some fucking laptop.”
“Call me old-fashioned, but I think a guy should beat his meat staring at a girlie mag and not some fucking laptop.”...
“Masturbating to porn isn’t cheating. Saying ‘I do’ at our wedding and finding out you don’t is cheating.”
“Masturbating to porn isn’t cheating. Saying ‘I do’ at our wedding and finding out you don’t is cheating.”...
“That’s right, dear. In Congress I am a conservative, but in bed I’m a flaming liberal.”
“That’s right, dear. In Congress I am a conservative, but in bed I’m a flaming liberal.”...
“His last will and testament is rather simple.”
“His last will and testament is rather simple.”...
“Don’t wave it around so much. He thinks you’re throwing a stick.”
“Don’t wave it around so much. He thinks you’re throwing a stick.”...
“You are about to receive what you so richly deserve.”
“You are about to receive what you so richly deserve.”...
“Mr. Finkle, I’ve searched our entire database, and I can assure you that there are no positions listed for a full-time sperm donor.”
“Mr. Finkle, I’ve searched our entire database, and I can assure you that there are no positions listed for a full-time sperm donor.”...
“Please, Dad, don’t be angry! I did not say that all conservatives are stupid people. I said that most stupid people are conservatives!”
“Please, Dad, don’t be angry! I did not say that all conservatives are stupid people. I said that most stupid people are conservatives!”...
“I think it’s a cheap shot. We don’t look anything like that!”
“I think it’s a cheap shot. We don’t look anything like that!”...
“Oh, cool. We gotta send this one to Beaver Hunt!”
“Oh, cool. We gotta send this one to Beaver Hunt!”...
“I wish someone would invent pornography. I need some hot chicks to whack off to.”
“I wish someone would invent pornography. I need some hot chicks to whack off to.”...
“You could have been one of the greatest! You could have left that junk alone! But no-o-o-o!!!”
“You could have been one of the greatest! You could have left that junk alone! But no-o-o-o!!!”...
“The jury is in on that perversion case, Your Honor.”
“The jury is in on that perversion case, Your Honor.”...
“Jeez! This country’s really goin’ to the dogs when a fellow can’t do a little creative flag-waving!”
“Jeez! This country’s really goin’ to the dogs when a fellow can’t do a little creative flag-waving!”...
“Send Falwell in when he gets here. I want to see the look on the fucker’s face.”
“Send Falwell in when he gets here. I want to see the look on the fucker’s face.”...
Slow painful death
My missus packed my bags last night, and as I walked out the door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I responded, “so now you want me to stay?”...
Big Dick
Harold complained to a friend that his dick was too big. “Women won’t go near the damn thing. It’s 21 inches long!” “Well,” said the friend, “if you believe in voodoo, there’s an old legend that might help.” He instructed his buddy to find a bullfrog and propose to it. Every time the bullfrog said...
Military blowjob
Question: How is being in the military like a blowjob? Answer: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel....
Foolish Mary
During a vicious quarrel Mary shouted at Fred, “You know, I was a fool when I married you!” Fred replied, “Yes, dear, but I was so in love with you, I didn’t notice.”...
Executives
Two executives requiring a new secretary called in the firm’s recruiter. After screening 30 applicants, he eliminated all but three women. For the final test the first candidate was asked, “How much is three and three?” “Six,” she replied. The second was asked the same question and answered, “It could be 33.” The third stated,...
Eternity
The HUSTLER Dictionary defines eternity as the time between your coming and her going....
Heavy drinking
There is nothing worse, after a night of heavy drinking, than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their fucking name or how you met or why they’re dead....
