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humor

Smoking

Question: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Answer: Slow down and use more lube....

humor

A young man dashed into a bar and demanded, “Give me 13 margaritas! Quick!” “Wow, that’s quite an order!” the bartender exclaimed. “What’s the big occasion?” “My first blowjob.” “Definitely reason to celebrate,” the barkeep said with a smile. “I still remember mine. So how about one more on the house?” “No, thanks,” the young...

humor

Graffilthy

There once was a manfrom NantucketWhose dick was so long,he could suck it.He said with a grinas he wiped off his chin,“If my ear was a cunt,I could fuck it!”...

humor

Whore Money

Miss Thompson walked into a bank, carrying a large paper bag filled with money. “Did you hoard all this money by yourself?” inquired the matronly teller. “No,” said the girl. “My sister whored half of it.” ...

humor

Alabama

The HUSTLER Dictionary defines Alabama foreplay as “Get in the truck, bitch.”...

humor

Horse hard-on

A cop stopped Hank and was giving him a ticket for riding his horse downtown. Hank whispered in the horse’s ear, and all of a sudden the horse got a huge boner. The policeman was amazed and asked Hank to talk to his horse again. The huge red horse cock stretched out once more, and...

humor

Politician

Finishing a prepared statement, the blustering politician threw the press conference open for questions. “Is it true you were born in a log cabin?” one sarcastic reporter asked. “You’re thinking of Abraham Lincoln,” the politician answered. “I was born in a manger.” ...

humor

Hobo

A filthy, wheezing bum asked a passing man for $5. “Will you buy booze with the money?” the man asked. “Nope,” the hobo promised. “Will you gamble it away?” the passerby inquired. “Unh-unh,” the beggar shook his head. “Will you wager it on football games?” the man demanded. “No,” the bum replied. “I don’t even...

humor

Golf nut

The golf nut arrived home three hours late from his weekly game looking utterly disgusted and completely exhausted. He dragged himself inside the house, flopped into his favorite chair and asked his wife for a strong drink. “That’s the last time I play with George!” he fumed. “The man has absolutely no consideration for his...

humor

California and New Jersey

Question: Why is it that California has the most lawyers and New Jersey has the most toxic-waste dumps? Answer: New Jersey had first choice....

humor

Bitch and pussy

After hearing some new words on the playground, a young boy went to his mom and asked her what a pussy was. His mom opened up the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat. Then he asked her what a bitch was. She showed him a picture of a female dog. Confused by...

humor

2014 World Cups Brasil

humor

Dutch Treat

Selling pussy has been legal for so long in Amsterdam, they already have a museum for it. Even if you’re eager to hit the meat streets and blow your wad (in more ways than one), go here first to find out what the going rate is: 50 euros (or $70) for 15 minutes, though any...

humor

Celebrity Dick

As if he’s ever in need of more pussy, Nick Hawk, star of Showtime’s Gigolos, crashed Larry Flynt’s HUSTLER Club Las Vegas to autograph copies of the May ’14 issue. Check it for tips from the lady-killer himself, plus XXX pics of Hawk with our own gorgeous club girls—like cuddly cute Kira!...

humor

Movie Buff

Let’s hear it for casting-couch cuties who recently popped their full-frontal cherries. After all, why should only Hollywood insiders get to do the body check? With skin like this on the mainstream screen, it’s time to spend a sick day or two hitting rewind....