Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
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“Don’t ever book me for a Republican National Convention again! Those repressed bastards are crazy!”
“Don’t ever book me for a Republican National Convention again! Those repressed bastards are crazy!”...
“You eat all your spinach or you’ll go to bed with your sister!”
“You eat all your spinach or you’ll go to bed with your sister!”...
“I ain’t proud of beating my ol’ lady. But the upside is, since I knocked out all of her front teeth, the blowjobs are fantastic!”
“I ain’t proud of beating my ol’ lady. But the upside is, since I knocked out all of her front teeth, the blowjobs are fantastic!”...
“I’m not calling Dr. Barnes just because my boner has lasted for over four hours! Unless he sucks cock!”
“I’m not calling Dr. Barnes just because my boner has lasted for over four hours! Unless he sucks cock!”...
“Bachmann, Cain, Pawlenty, Perry, Santorum, Gingrich—once we picked out the corn, all we were left with was the shit!”
“Bachmann, Cain, Pawlenty, Perry, Santorum, Gingrich—once we picked out the corn, all we were left with was the shit!”...
“Since his wife died, he’s gone through the five stages of grief—sadness, denial, acceptance, booze and hookers.”
“Since his wife died, he’s gone through the five stages of grief—sadness, denial, acceptance, booze and hookers.”...
“Oh God, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life!”
“Oh God, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life!”...
“Dear Lord, you recently took from me: Donna Summer, my favorite singer; Vidal Sassoon, my favorite hairdresser; and Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite actress. So I just wanted to let you know that my favorite politicians are John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and
“Dear Lord, you recently took from me: Donna Summer, my favorite singer; Vidal Sassoon, my favorite hairdresser; and Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite actress. So I just wanted to let you know that my favorite politicians are John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and...
“Dad, stop telling everyone that you fucked Mom to death!”
“Dad, stop telling everyone that you fucked Mom to death!”...
“I’m scheduled to appear on Hardball in two days,and I need you guys to tell me what I believe in!”
“I’m scheduled to appear on Hardball in two days, and I need you guys to tell me what I believe in!”...
“I did not spend my allowance! The registered sex offenderfrom down the street bought it for me!”
“I did not spend my allowance! The registered sex offender from down the street bought it for me!”...
“Let’s do some role-play! I’ll be Mitt Romney and you be the middle class!”
“Let’s do some role-play! I’ll be Mitt Romney and you be the middle class!”...
“That’s right, Ted. The male population is ecstatic about the announcement today that three servings of semen every day can help women lose up to ten pounds a week!”
“That’s right, Ted. The male population is ecstatic about the announcement today that three servings of semen every day can help women lose up to ten pounds a week!”...
“Buy me this car, Dad, or someday I’ll jerk off a Republican on your grave!”
“Buy me this car, Dad, or someday I’ll jerk off a Republican on your grave!”...
“However, here we have a human brain that was exposed to the latest prolonged media campaign of political bullshit…”
“However, here we have a human brain that was exposed to the latest prolonged media campaign of political bullshit…”...
“I don’t believe licking nasty pussy is in my job description!”
“I don’t believe licking nasty pussy is in my job description!”...
“Looks like fun! Shall we join them?!”
“Looks like fun! Shall we join them?!”...
Jokes-Fairy
A retired couple were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary at a cozy restaurant. Suddenly a puff of smoke appeared. When it dissolved, a gorgeous fairy about as tall as a salt shaker was standing on the table. She looked up and announced, “For being such an exemplary married couple, I will grant you each a...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Answer: The location of the dirtbag....
Jokes-Condoms
Upon opening a long-awaited mail-order package, Gary yelped in joy. “Hey, Mary, my Olympic condoms finally arrived,” he told his nympho girlfriend. “I’m gonna wear a gold one tonight.” “Why not wear a silver one?” Mary suggested. “You could come second for a change.”...
Jokes-Hottie
A bill collector went to the home of a hottie who had fallen behind on her furniture payments. “All right, young lady,” the guy muttered as he stepped into her living room. “How about the next installment on your couch?” The gal shrugged, then said, “I guess that’s better than having to give you some...
Jokes-Dress
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 low-cut dress. “How could you do this!” he bellowed. “I don’t know,” the wife wailed. “I was just looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was as if the devil were whispering to...
Jokes-Mistress
While sitting in his lawyer’s office, Rodney was asked, “Do you want the bad news or the terrible news first?” “Give me the bad news first.” “Your wife found a photograph worth a half-million dollars,” the lawyer stated. “That’s the bad news?!” Rodney howled. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.” “The photo in...
Jokes-Q&A
Question: What’s the best thing about dating a homeless woman? Answer: You can drop her off anywhere....
Jokes-Emotions
A husband and wife were watching a TV show exploring the phenomenon of “mixed emotions.” In a matter of minutes the man of the house fumed, “This is an absolute bunch of crap! I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” The wife’s retort: “Out...
