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September 2020

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Safety Dance
Featured Article

Safety Dance

Will strip clubs ever be the same after COVID-19?

America, this is not a drill: we are fucked. And when things are this out of control, “back to normal” is a very dangerous sentiment to hang your hat on. Whether we experience a Hail Mary miracle or not, no matter how this ends, life after COVID-19 will never be “normal” again.

School, concerts, work, walking in the park—everything from your career to the creature comforts you took for granted are being redefined by social distancing, and it’s going to take some getting used to—maybe a lot of getting used to. In some cases, we might end up kissing pre-coronavirus joys goodbye altogether. 

Will a truly satisfying visit to the strip club be among those pleasures relegated to the dustbin of not-too-distant history?

It’s one thing for a restaurant to adapt; conceivably, if you can continue providing top-shelf food, customers should be happy (except for Karen, who is an unrelenting bitch who always insists on speaking to the manager). But for strip clubs, taking away contact and intimacy is like learning to write with your feet because you lost your hands; MacGyver himself would shudder at the prospect of how to re-open and maintain any semblance of normalcy.

But adult entertainment is not for the weak-willed, and some businesses are rising to the challenge with solutions ranging from innovative to something straight out of Mad Max: Fury Road. Will strip clubs ever be the same? Probably not, but we’re willing to give some of these places a shot (pending travel restrictions).

strip club

Meanwhile in Canada… 

Twin Peaks fans will recall David Lynch’s dark depiction of Canadian nightlife, but these days it’s safety first in the Great White North. On June 25 the Vancouver Sun reported on the grand re-opening of the No. 5 Orange, where the talent is now encircled by walls of plexiglass suspended from the ceiling—sort of like a salad bar sneeze guard for dancers. 

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