Don’t worry; if you’re in a committed relationship but fantasize about banging someone other than your partner, it’s not only natural, it’s very common. (You might not want to tell your significant other, though.)
Being in a committed, monogamous relationship may not be for everyone, but it certainly has its benefits. It’s nice to have the kind of companionship at home that people need to stave off the wrath of loneliness. The potential for sex that’s as built-in as the microwave above the stove is also a welcomed perk in this arrangement. Of course, the advantages don’t stop there. There’s always a dinner date to be had on weekends and someone to go to sleep with at night after binge-watching a few episodes of Seinfeld. Even though conjugality often means catching a whiff of their raging halitosis in the morning or occasionally hearing them poop, having someone to hold your hand throughout all the trials and tribulations this rotten existence has to offer is arguably the emotional commodity of the highest demand.
The only downside to pledging diehard devotion, as far as we can tell, is that it leaves no room for the type of random, sleazy sexual encounters in which there exists the possibility that a stranger will tongue your asshole in a bathroom stall. And the seeming finality of monogamy, for some of us, can bring on fierce bouts of anxiety. After all, if we only go around once, and if the person we’re shacked up with right now is the last one we’ll ever bone from here to eternity, that means the opportunity to screw any of the world’s remaining beautiful people, from here on out, must be a hard pass. Yep, that cute waitress who constantly flirts with you at the coffee shop? Forget about it, dude. You’re taken. The guy at the gym who always spots you at the squat rack? You can’t. You’re off-limits. Sadly, you’re going to die missing out.
This is why some people cheat. Being officially labeled “off the market,” compounded with a twinge of boredom—we all love tacos, but we can’t eat them for dinner every night of the week—has a way of breeding restlessness at some point, shooting waves of temptation through the horny veins leading to our sex organs. Suddenly, the unspoken “look but don’t touch” stipulation in Section 69 of their relationship negotiation requires an amendment. The idea that one may never stroke another person where they pee can be intolerable—it goes against the grain of our species, after all. Which is why some people wager against their committed relationship for a shot at some strange.
“Having sexual fantasies is normal and can increase sexual desire and arousal. One of the most common fantasies is about having sex with someone who is not your partner.”