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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Featured Article

That Cheating Bastard!

Suspect that your partner is stepping out on you? The bad news is, you might be right. The worse news? Your suspicion itself could be destroying your relationship.

In a relationship, there can be times when one of the partners starts to suspect the other is a no-good cheating bastard. They might not know the precise origins of the suspicion; it’s just a gut feeling—something is out of place, something’s fishy. 

The notion that your significant other is out there porking some homewrecking ho can be torture on the psyche. But, more times than not, rather than sit down for a grown-up conversation in an attempt to clear the air, our suspicions tend to take the reins over common sense, running wild and careening off the edge of sanity like a fiery unicycle being pedaled by a clown high on oxytocin and LSD. They might not have all the despicable details of their lover’s betrayal—if there is, in fact, any infidelity occurring—but they don’t need them. No, sir—as long as there’s a hefty dose of paranoia and a little imagination in their back pocket, these lovesick lunatics are perfectly capable of conjuring up a slew of twisted sexual scenarios all on their own. 

“I dated a girl several years ago and she always thought I was cheating on her,” Rudy, a 46-year-old line supervisor from Meridian, Idaho, tells “I was working 12-hour shifts at the time, pretty much just coming home, eating dinner and going to bed. I was too exhausted to have sex with her most of the time, let alone anyone else. But she always accused me of fucking some other woman before I got home. She gave me a lot more credit than I deserved.”

It’s when those suspicions escalate into blinding, double-fisted fury and sheer desperation that things can get downright unruly. People who feel slighted, especially those in committed, monogamous relationships, are often rendered temporarily insane by bouts of jealousy. They have been known to go buck-wild in search of answers, no matter how much they come off looking like a crazy person. One way or another, these people are going to find out if that POS sleeping in their bed is fucking around or not. And if they are, all hell is going to break loose. 

“Many people are insecure in relationships and have difficulty being vulnerable, and over time, relationships and the people in them might change. These changes may or may not be indicative of a bigger problem.”

Dr. Rachel Needle

For Angela, a 38-year-old caregiver from San Diego, California, hell might be where she’s headed. She tells that she began to suspect her partner of infidelity after discovering a series of questionable cell phone records. To catch the cheating bastard, however, she claims it was necessary to employ a tactic that could have arguably earned her an honorary spot as an operative for the Central Intelligence Agency. “I got a free phone number and texted him from it saying I was her. He believed it,” she says of her fiancé. “And then I picked a fight as her, calling him all kinds of names, called his mama names. I made him hate her. Then did the same thing to her from his phone—made her hate him.” It was a sneaky move, Angela says, and in retrospect, it wasn’t all that necessary. The situation would have eventually worked itself out in her favor. 

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