Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions

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September 2022

Scarlett Alexis
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Latest Articles

Big Pussies
Bits & Pieces

Big Pussies

Leave it to Donald Trump, aka Cheeto Jesus, aka The Face Without a Man, to ruin a perfectly wonderous word: pussy. In case you missed it (if you did, consider yourself blessed): A few weeks before the U.S....
The War on Smart
Feature

The War on Smart

“America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest. We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and...
#Selfies
Feature

#Selfies

...
HUSTLER’s Guide to Dating Apps
Feature

HUSTLER’s Guide to Dating Apps

LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE TECH-BASED HOOKUPS WITH, IF NOT DIGNITY, AT LEAST A SOLID CHANCE OF A BLOWJOB. HUSTLER’S MAN ABOUT TOWN TESTS A FUCKTON OF DATING APPLICATIONS AND REPORTS ON THE...
OkStupid
Feature

OkStupid

...
Politics

Hard Time for Private Prisons

Crime pays. At least it does for the private prison industry, which annually is allocated about 5 billion in taxpayer dollars and nets more than $600 million in profits. But those dollars...
Politics

True Patriotism

It was spectacularly great news: Freedom had triumphed, and our flag was still there. Occasionally in a nation’s history, sanity abruptly intervenes when a few heroic figures save the day by finding the...
Fucking & Football
Bits & Pieces

Fucking & Football

The word prostitution just doesn’t pack the moral outrage that it used to. So if you’re looking to upset people, try the phrase “sex trafficking.” Along with all the other dubious traditions that go...
The Orgasm Lady
Bits & Pieces

The Orgasm Lady

Firliana Purwanti, who also goes by The Orgasm Lady, has worked hard over the past several years, empowering Indonesian women to embrace their sexuality. What’s the big deal? “Womyn” have been...
Cornography
Bits & Pieces

Cornography

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Botox Anderson (collectively, from here on out, Teach ’n’ Tox) recently coauthored an editorial for Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal about the “dangers of pornography.”...
Love Italian-Style
Bits & Pieces

Love Italian-Style

Grazie to Italy’s Supreme Court, which recently ruled that public masturbation is not a crime, so long as it’s not in the presence of minors. The ruling overturned a conviction by a lower court of a...
Be All You Can Be
Bits & Pieces

Be All You Can Be

Guess what, world? We’re not a bunch of babies who can’t handle it if the soldiers serving in our military don’t all present as John Wayne. The Pentagon recently announced that transgender troops on...
Doll Ball
Bits & Pieces

Doll Ball

Maybe he couldn’t face another holiday alone. Perhaps she reminded him of the one who got away. Something inspired 55-year-old Christopher Wade to abduct a curvy brunette mannequin from a HUSTLER Hollywood...
The Final Girls
Feature

The Final Girls

THEY KNOW HOW TO SCREAM, THEY KNOW HOW TO DIE, BUT ABOVE ALL, THEY KNOW HOW TO KICK SOME BOGEYMAN ASS! ONE BY ONE THE REST OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN STABBED, HUNG, RIPPED LIMB FROM LIMB, UNTIL THE ONLY...
The Nude Elephant in the Room
Feature

The Nude Elephant in the Room

LIVE FROM THE 2-1-5, JESSA JORDAN REPORTS ON HER LIFE AS A BLACK ANARCHIST STRIPPER DURING THE 2016 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION IN PHILADELPHIA. By day I bend light and arch limbs as a...
Wheeler Walker Jr.
Feature

Wheeler Walker Jr.

LIKE ROY ROGERS AND GENE AUTRY BEFORE HIM, WHEELER WALKER JR. IS A SINGING COWBOY. BUT UNLIKE YOUR GRANDDADDY’S HEROES, THIS HAT-WEARING HILLBILLY IS MORE LIKELY TO CROON TUNES LIKE “FUCK YOU BITCH” THAN...
Politics

Go Vote!

If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it,” Mark Twain is believed to have quipped. However, there is no clear-cut evidence he said anything of the sort. Who ever first uttered those words...
Politics

The Filthy Rich Get Richer

And the winner is…Goldman Sachs! America’s big bankers don’t really care whether the next President is named Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Once Bernie Sanders was knocked out...
Vagina Demagogue
Bits & Pieces

Vagina Demagogue

Our apologies—we really can’t wait to stop talking about Trump. But Gabriella Paiella’s piece for New York magazine, “Why Are Trump’s Hands Always Making the Symbol for ‘Vagina,’” posed a...
Olympic Glory
Bits & Pieces

Olympic Glory

“Am I the only person who thinks the Walk of Nations, from above, looks like a giant vagina? #OpeningCeremony #Rio2016,” tweeted @JasonKorolenko. No, Jason, you were not. Sure, Olympic media coverage of...
Tell Us Something We Don’t Know
Bits & Pieces

Tell Us Something We Don’t Know

Having little else to do, journalists across the nation recently reported on a paper published by New York University researchers with this catchy title: “A Qualitative...