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May 2024

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Nurse, There’s a Gnome in My Ass
Featured Article

Nurse, There’s a Gnome in My Ass

A medical professional reveals the strangest sexual accidents she’s seen

There are safety elements involved in getting it on that you learn about in Sex-Ed class, and then there are the kinds of lessons that you can only learn from the misfortune of others. Naturally, is here to tell you about the latter. 

As this reporter began his investigation into the world of horrifying-yet-still-somehow-hilarious sex injuries, I spoke with Annabel (not her real name), a former nurse who spent over a decade in the Accident and Emergency [A+E] rooms of a busy London hospital. 

Given that I’m only human, it takes about 30 seconds of conversation before things turn to the subject of butt stuff. 

“Oh, I have some really interesting objects-up-the-bum stories if they would be of interest,” she says. 

“Probably the most common sexual injury that I’ve witnessed in my years as a nurse is the insertion of ever increasingly bizarre objects into the rectum,” Annabel says.

Cut to: Me tossing away my original questions and leaning intently forward with rapt attention.

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