April 2020

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Mia Khalifa: The Picks & Pans of a Serious Sports Fan

Of Mia Khalifa’s many amazing attributes, the most impressive of all just might be her sharp tongue. The onetime actress today wields her wit as an aspiring sports pundit, aiming her barbs at the American athletic landscape via any number of social media platforms. At times she’s epically roasted the online suitors trying to slide into her DMs (see former Ole Miss quarterback Chad Kelly, Chicago Cubs catcher Willson Contreras, etc.), but she can take it too; when then-Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield famously rejected Mia’s Twitter invitation to be her “Daddy,” the Lebanese-born beauty jauntily shrugged it off: “Getting curved is part of life,” she explained to her 2.7 million followers. With the 2019 NFL season upon us, HUSTLER risked Mia’s wrath by asking the sports world’s hottest talking head for her thoughts on the Raiders moving to Vegas, Tom Brady’s mental state and just who is going to win the 2020 Super Bowl.

So you’re “The DC Sports Girl” these days?
Yeah, I stole the name from Bill Simmons, the Boston Sports Guy, but my YouTube Channel is The DC Sports Girl. I’m just learning the lay of the land in L.A. right now, doing guest spots on sports podcasts and radio shows, but I used to host Out of Bounds with Gilbert Arenas and also Sportsball with Tyler Coe. Plus right now I’m a regular guest on the Dr. Hockey podcast, which I adore, with Dr. Jay Calvert, who just happens to have done my breast surgery.

You famously popped a breast implant at a Washington Capitals hockey game, right?
It was during the playoffs of 2018. I was sitting on the glass, and next thing I know, I’m doubled over on the floor, grabbing my chest, in so much pain I can’t even catch my breath. But then I look up, and in front of me I see a puck with ice all over it. Immediately all of my pain went away, and I reached for it. I swear to God, everything went silent as I reached for the puck because I didn’t even care what the injury I sustained was; I didn’t care if I was bleeding. All I knew was I got a goddamned Capitals playoffs puck, and what I had to do for it didn’t matter.

That’s serious sports fandom right there.
You know it.

Mia Khalifa in a Hockey Jersey

You didn’t see the puck coming or anything?
I didn’t because the puck wasn’t in play, so I wasn’t looking on the ice. The whistle had blown, and the players dispersed, and I guess one of them got angry and slap-shotted the puck, which ricocheted and hit me. I assume you then sued everyone involved? Like, do you own the Washington Capitals now?

I would never do any such thing!
All I did was thank the Capitals for getting me a playoff puck. [Laughs.] I was so happy about it. I mean, I lost an implant and had to have surgery afterward, sure, but I was fine, I was fine. I got a puck!

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