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March 2024

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Working Stiff
Featured Article

Working Stiff

The ups and downs of boning a coworker.

If we were to pinpoint the single most likely scenario that the average professional can expect during their career, it’s that they will eventually start boning someone they work with.  Most of us have shit where we eat at one time or another. Having sex with co-workers just kind of falls under the same philosophy that biologists use when it comes time to getting zoo animals to breed. Lock those beasts up together for a few days, and eventually they’re gonna hump. This is just nature doing what it was designed to do—populate the Earth, keep our demented species alive, and perhaps even provide the human race with a whole new meaning to the phrase “the daily grind.”

But screwing someone you work with can also bring about its fair share of pain and misery. These relationships have been known to be exceptionally vulnerable and about as dramatic as a love child between Meryl Streep and John Malkovich. However, that doesn’t stop our idiot brains from diving into these dicey affairs head-fucking-first—and usually with the wrong head. 

A recent survey conducted by the podcast Real Fix found that one in five working-class stiffs have had three or more “relationships” with their coworkers. These relationships were anything from a random hookup to a long-term connection, some of which resulted in marriage, babies and weekends with the in-laws. Yikes! That sounds more like an occupational hazard than a benefits package, but then again we’re admittedly a bit cynical.

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On the flip side, the poll also found that most of this office grab-ass was kaput in a matter of about 10 months. Yep, it seems that finding “the one” on the job doesn’t always pan out. But that hasn’t stopped the great American workforce from shaking their dicks too close to the proverbial hornet’s nest. Come to find out, this fraternizing behavior is beyond human control. Sex experts say those workplace flings just jingle our genitals in ways that cannot be ignored.  

“There’s nothing more thrilling than developing a new crush, and when that person happens to be in the workplace, it can elevate the excitement,” Dr. Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast and Sex With Emily on SiriusXM, tells “Not only do you get to see them in their element, but you throw in a dash of taboo and it becomes even more appealing.”

“I married a girl I worked with at a restaurant after dating for only two weeks. The whole relationship only lasted four months, though. This girl was the devil incarnate. She bit down on my dick once during an argument.”

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