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April 2024

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What’s the Fucking Point of Monogamy?
Featured Article

What’s the Fucking Point of Monogamy?

Is it really possible for two people to remain faithful to each other happily ever after? And if not, what are the options for keeping the relationship intact while exploring other sexual opportunities? We dive deep for answers.

The word on the street is that monogamy is dead. Scan the internet and there’s a slew of articles stating that it’s no longer likely that two people can forge a path together and live happily ever after. Oh sure, a couple might get in a few good years, maybe even decades, before the whole shithouse of love goes up in flames, but the magic that got them all googly-eyed in the first place will inevitably be revealed as a cheap parlor trick, no matter what they do to try and stop it. The frustrating part is that this undoing of amour isn’t even our fault. Humans are just animals in pants, after all, and if nature has shown us one thing about our biological design, it’s that most mammals aren’t mating for life. That’s just how we’re made.

We’re hardwired for variety, making the idea of even attempting a monogamous relationship sort of a joke. Evolutionists argue that modern monogamy is just too new and goes against the grain of humanity’s nature. Our ancestors actually preferred to live communally, mating with a miscellany of misters and muff. Before then, they often opted for isolation, coming out of the cave only when there was a need to breed. Hey, there’s a lot of guys out there right now who can appreciate that sentiment. 

“It’s funny; if I have sex on a Friday night, I’m not even mad about staying in on Saturday, eating a pizza by myself and watching movies,” Clifford of Rochester, Minnesota, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “If it’s been a while, I’m out almost every night or working the dating apps.”

Some of the most supported theories suggest that we eventually subscribed to monogamy as a means of carving out a more civilized society, to ward off STD outbreaks and protect children from being killed by horny men looking to knock boots with their mothers. Wait, what? Yep, way back when, much like today, men weren’t at all keen on some ungrateful rug-rat sabotaging their sex lives. If all the women in the tribe were sitting around taking care of their precious progeny, it really put a damper on the available sex action. The men, known for resorting to brutish behavior to solve their problems, would just snuff out the kid to free up his mama’s dance card. So, in reality, monogamy started—or so the theory goes—to keep salacious men from knocking off tiny cock-blockers. “That makes all the sense in the world,” asserts Landon, a 37-year-old from Tillamook, Oregon. “Kids are always getting in the way of that at my house.”

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