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July 2022

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Shear Lunacy
Featured Article

Shear Lunacy

Yes, modern grooming habits dictate that guys should prune their pubic bushes. But beware, fellas; manscaping can lead to a close shave in more ways than one.

Any man who consumes his weight in porn has likely found himself more than a little perplexed about how those dudes get their balls shaved down to the bare skin without ending up a bloody eunuch. Was it wax? Electrolysis? Black Magic? 

Nope, the wiener-cleaner is almost always an ordinary razor, as frightening as it may sound. How can a man be brave enough to run a piece of sharpened steel that they picked up at a Walmart through the many crooks and crannies of their cocks and balls without accidentally giving himself a homespun vasectomy or a gnarly staph infection? Somehow, the professionals seem to have it all figured out. They’re out there sporting the same cock coif they had when they crawled out of the womb. But not the average Joe; their shaggy bags look like they just crawled out of a dumpster.

Even if these unkempt bastards would prefer to take a more manicured approach to their short-and-curlies, they won’t dare put a shaver that far south for fear that they might have to explain to the hot emergency-room nurse how they ended up with a testicular amputation. The risk for injury is just too hairy. 

Photo by Larry Flynt Productions

The disparity between what is expected from the pubic regions of females and those of men is fierce. Society dictates that the ladies are supposed to be totally hairless when those panties come down, while men are typically free to raise a Chia Prick. Which doesn’t change the fact that a lot of women aren’t into the fleecy beast. Many complain that whiskers around the wang are an impediment to their sexual maneuvering. (Ever try sucking a cock with a wad of fur tickling your nose? Try it sometime and see how you like it.) Others really don’t know why it bothers them. Some, like Emily from Lexington, Kentucky, argue that it grosses them out. Emily asserts that, if a guy is interested in receiving her lip service, he better not unleash the genital equivalent of a wooly mammoth.

“I prefer when a guy keeps his junk groomed,” Emily tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “It doesn’t have to be clean-shaven, but I better not be pulling hair out of my teeth all night. That’s disgusting.”

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