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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Featured Article

Rise of the Sex Robots

The sex doll industry is creating sex robots that not only look and feel human—they can also serve as fully interactive companions. But will android lovers ever really replace flesh-on-flesh intimacy?

Sex dolls have really come a long way from a time when, for less than 40 bucks, a desperate man could take home an inflatable mistress with a few penetrable features and commence with coital congress with zero complaints. Although a damn good bargain for the boner on a budget, these novelty companions had several design flaws. For starters, they were made of vinyl, so if a guy didn’t use a high-quality lube before humping one into oblivion, he was likely to suffer friction burns and maybe even a gnarly pelvic rash that resembled crabs. The dolls also weren’t much to look at—they often bore the gawd-awful appearance of something more like a surprised alien in drag than anything remotely close to human. Still, even though they were used for gag gifts as often as they were employed as faux lovers,  for the boys of the Ain’t Getting None club, these cheap, air-filled lays worked in a pinch.

“My co-workers gave me a blow-up doll many moons ago during a company Christmas party. I think it was called Anal Annie,” Gerald, a 52-year-old account manager from Louisville, Kentucky, tells “What I remember most is this thing having massive breasts, like double D’s, and holes in all the right places. I ended up taking it home after the party.”

Gerald never had any intention of lovin’ up Annie, but he admits—with much embarrassment—that she had an irresistible allure. “It just sat there on the couch, for days, taunting me,” he recalls. “I had a few drinks one night after a long shift, and I hadn’t been laid in a while. Suddenly this doll started looking pretty good. I was like, Fuck it, why not? It was my rock bottom.”

Hey, don’t judge! It gets lonely out there. It can be difficult to find a partner that checks all your boxes. And going out in pursuit of a casual one-nighter isn’t always easy for the socially awkward. Furthermore, dating is hard, dating apps aren’t for everyone and people, well, sometimes they just suck.

“We get a lot of things from our intimate relationships in addition to sex. A sex robot could help with one thing that our human relationships may lack (excellent, reliable, always available, perhaps exciting sex). But will the sex robot also provide companionship?”

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