November 2019

Featuring Lana Rhoades

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London Keyes For President

IN THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, THE CANDIDATES ARE EITHER DULL OR CRAZY, AND THEIR PLATFORMS ARE A MIXTURE OF UNIMAGINATIVE, UNWORKABLE IDEAS. BUT VOTERS NEED NOT DESPAIR. POLITICALLY ACTIVE PORN STAR AND PATRIOTIC AMERICAN LONDON KEYES HAS A POTENTIAL FIX: CONSIDER HER AS A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.


 

“I can be an appealing alternate choice for people who are passionate about their civil liberties,” she explains, “similar to Ralph Nader in 2000…but I also suck cock and enjoy taking it up the ass.” My interview with London is at her tastefully appointed Hollywood home; she’s clearly doing well for herself. As I approach the entrance, I spot a handwritten note taped to the front door: “Come on in.”

I wander on through the house and into the backyard to find London Keyes swimming…stark naked. When she sees me, she paddles over to the shallow end and stands up in the water. “Hi,” she says, grinning a megawatt covergirl smile. “I’m London. Very nice to meet you.”

I am wholly unprepared for how pretty this woman is in person. Not only does she have a rockin’ body; she’s got an exotic, exquisite face. She’s also got some serious ink.

“These birds are swallows,” she says politely as she towels off and notices me staring at her rack a bit too intently. “They mean freedom.”

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