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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Granny-Banging Grandeur
Featured Article

Granny-Banging Grandeur

Senior citizens need love, too—and with the experience they’ve racked up over the decades, they just might be the best lays you’ve ever had.

We tend to view the elderly as if they’re all sweet, feeble, god-fearing creatures who really appreciate when some strapping young lad comes along to help them across the street: Why, thank you, sonny, here’s a nickel—go get yourself some candy! We often forget that this sector of the population were once young, vibrant members of society, doing everything we do, most of which was achieved without the technology and resources we have today. And some of them were sluts too! Yep, they were among an active horndog culture, sucking and fucking like a bunch of dirty hoes, just like the rest of us. 

Sure, it might be difficult to imagine that sweet old lady from across the street getting pumped up the pooper by a mammoth dong. It might even be tough to envision those old veterans playing bingo down at the VFW on Wednesday night banging Vietnamese babes during the war. But make no mistake about it, the geriatric generations have gnawed on their fair share of naughty bits in their long lives, and many would jump at another shot to get busy.

No doubt, some senior citizens would still be slutting it up if someone would just give them the opportunity to spread their lumpy cheeks. And wouldn’t you know it, some of the younger men and women have this all figured out. There’s a legion of young bucks and dick-fiending dames out there that don’t give a damn about dentures, wrinkles or even adult diapers. They prefer pounding the patriarchs of society over people their own age. The professionals call this desire for much older lovers gerontophilia, aka a granny fetish. 

For many exponents  of gerontophilia, the experience that senior lovers bring to the bedroom makes it worth enduring craggy skin, wigs, Chanel No. 5 and the occasional colostomy bag. “I slept with a woman who was two years older than my grandmother,” a man named Thomas tells us about his days boinking the elderly. “Seriously, some of the best sex I’ve ever had, a very considerate lover. Plus, when you don’t have sex for over 30 years, it’s almost like the V-card resets.” 

Unfortunately, Thomas and his aged partner’s sexual bliss was short-lived. “We stopped having sex with each other after she had a stroke,” Thomas says, adding that he had nothing to do with the woman’s downfall. “She was just old, you know?” 

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