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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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September 2021

Featuring Michelle Jean
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Follow Your Fucking Impulse: Bringing Back Spontaneity
Featured Article

Follow Your Fucking Impulse: Bringing Back Spontaneity

Is sex with your partner starting to feel a little robotic? You’re not alone; it’s a common problem for couples. Read on for essential tips on getting the spark back.

When two people first get romantically involved, the result can be electric. This might sound like a cliché, but it is accurate nonetheless. And with this electricity typically comes a metric ass-ton of sex. We’re talking beaucoup boning here, folks! They’re doing it in the car on the way back from Home Depot; they’re doing it in the yard before reaching the front door; they’re doing it in the kitchen while waiting for a pizza to cook. Anyone who’s been in a relationship might explain the first few months on top of someone new as spontaneous, exciting and fun. In the immortal words of Roxy Music, “love is the drug…”

Unfortunately, the high is short-lived. As with all good things on this whirling joke of a planet, the animalistic impulses usually come to a screeching halt, or at least a crawl. One day they’re fucking each other stupid in the bathroom of a neighborhood Applebee’s; the next, well, they’re not. The sex tends to become more uniformed, scheduled and, well, dull.

The lack of sexual spontaneity in long-term relationships was only made worse by the pandemic. Some Americans may have intended to use all those mandatory lockdowns as an opportunity to give surprise shtuppings to their significant others. However, a never-ending parade of cockblocking factors—like making sure the kids were up and in front of the computer for virtual learning—brought an unsatisfied end to those plans.

“I wouldn’t say it is planned, but it’s definitely not spontaneous anymore,” 32-year- photo editor Stephanie tells HUSTLERMagazine.com about her sex life with her husband. “We still do it every couple of weeks, but it’s far from something out of the romance novels. It’s more like, ‘You want to?’ ‘ Sure. Do you? ‘ ‘Yep.’ And then we get down to it for about 15 minutes before going to sleep. I think being around each other more over the past 12 months due to COVID has forced our sex lives to become more formulated and to the point. It’s just part of our weekly family obligations. It just so happens that this obligation occurs every other Thursday.”

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