“So this…This is the North Pole!”
“So this…This is the North Pole!”...
Bits & Pieces
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“But I must take full responsibility for having an inappropriate, lewd relationship with one of my elves.”
“But I must take full responsibility for having an inappropriate, lewd relationship with one of my elves.”...
“Sarah Palin preaching patriotism is like Bristol Palin preaching abstinence. By the time you realize what it is, you’re fucked!”
“Sarah Palin preaching patriotism is like Bristol Palin preaching abstinence. By the time you realize what it is, you’re fucked!”...
“Hey, girl, I’m going to call you back. The plumber is here, and he wants to lay some pipe!”
“Hey, girl, I’m going to call you back. The plumber is here, and he wants to lay some pipe!”...
“Lately, Barbara, you’ve been distant and emotionally unavailable. Thank you.”
“Lately, Barbara, you’ve been distant and emotionally unavailable. Thank you.”...
“It looked like he was wearing a hoodie and might be breaking into our home…and I bet there’s Skittles in that bag!”
“It looked like he was wearing a hoodie and might be breaking into our home…and I bet there’s Skittles in that bag!”...
“I’m not special…I’m just like any other politician. I put my genitals in your mouth one ball at a time.”
“I’m not special…I’m just like any other politician. I put my genitals in your mouth one ball at a time.”...
“You can dream of higher office…you can dream of the Presidency…but give up this dream of you getting on top!”
“You can dream of higher office…you can dream of the Presidency…but give up this dream of you getting on top!”...
“That about sums it up. Good night.”
“That about sums it up. Good night.”...
“Someday, Melania, this will all be yours. Until then I’ll hold it over your head constantly and use it to manipulate you in every way I possibly can.”
“Someday, Melania, this will all be yours. Until then I’ll hold it over your head constantly and use it to manipulate you in every way I possibly can.”...
“All right, let’s go in and pick out some Tea Party candidates to run for Congress in the fall.”
“All right, let’s go in and pick out some Tea Party candidates to run for Congress in the fall.”...
“It sounds like you just need some variety in your sex life. Try using your other hand.”
“It sounds like you just need some variety in your sex life. Try using your other hand.”...
“Of course I would never lick your filthy asshole! Hey, don’t try to make this about me!”
“Of course I would never lick your filthy asshole! Hey, don’t try to make this about me!”...
“I now pronounce you man and slut.”
“I now pronounce you man and slut.”...
“The dork didn’t even kiss me good night! I shaved my pussy for nothing!”
“The dork didn’t even kiss me good night! I shaved my pussy for nothing!”...
“It’s not our silver anniversary. It’s not our golden anniversary. At HUSTLER it’s always our pink anniversary!”
“It’s not our silver anniversary. It’s not our golden anniversary. At HUSTLER it’s always our pink anniversary!”...
“Sure, what we just did was perverted, immoral and disgusting. Could that be why you just came, what was it, five or six times?”
“Sure, what we just did was perverted, immoral and disgusting. Could that be why you just came, what was it, five or six times?”...
“It’s settled then. Our strategy is to let Hillary win the 2016 Presidential election so the White House can air out the nigger stink for four years.”
“It’s settled then. Our strategy is to let Hillary win the 2016 Presidential election so the White House can air out the nigger stink for four years.”...
“Goddamn, you’re attractive! Then again, what girl with a cock in her mouth isn’t?”
“Goddamn, you’re attractive! Then again, what girl with a cock in her mouth isn’t?”...
“Are you sure I’ve never given you a blowjob before? Your dick looks familiar.”
“Are you sure I’ve never given you a blowjob before? Your dick looks familiar.”...
“As a good Christian, firearms owner, confirmed bigot and fag hater, I always vote a straight Republican ticket. Republican candidates care about the real America!”
“As a good Christian, firearms owner, confirmed bigot and fag hater, I always vote a straight Republican ticket. Republican candidates care about the real America!”...
“Quick, get that old lady hiding behind the mailbox!”
“Quick, get that old lady hiding behind the mailbox!”...
“The cartoon by this artist is very funny, yet full of the truth about us… We need to kill him!”
“The cartoon by this artist is very funny, yet full of the truth about us… We need to kill him!”...
“Oh, yeah, baby! You’re the best! I could fuck you all night! Your pussy is so tight! Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh…oh…I came. Well, good night.”
“Oh, yeah, baby! You’re the best! I could fuck you all night! Your pussy is so tight! Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh…oh…I came. Well, good night.”...
“What wine goes well with venison?”
“What wine goes well with venison?”...
“I think the young lady is trying to get your attention.”
“I think the young lady is trying to get your attention.”...
“If you’re one of them right-wing Republicans who think that sex should be between a man and a woman, then this cartoon ain’t for you!”
“If you’re one of them right-wing Republicans who think that sex should be between a man and a woman, then this cartoon ain’t for you!”...
“Good Lord! They must know we can hear them pounding and moaning every night! Don’t you find that annoying?!”
“Good Lord! They must know we can hear them pounding and moaning every night! Don’t you find that annoying?!”...
Sex lecture
A distinguished professor was asked to give a lecture on sex. Upon being introduced, he stood up, cleared his throat and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure.” And then he promptly sat down....
Houdini
Lilly and Tom had just finished screwing when Lilly asked, “If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?” Tom rolled off his condom, tied a knot in it and flushed it down the toilet. “Well,” he said, “if he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”...
