Does cunnilingus count as sex? How about a handjob? Or intercourse that was blink-and-you’ll-miss-it quick? The answers aren’t as cut-and-dried as you might think.
If you were a fly on the wall of any given college cafeteria back in the day, you would have undoubtedly witnessed swarms of young bucks discussing who’s been laid and who hasn’t. These conversations were most likely to occur if some lucky bastard in his class told one of his buddies that he got his dick wet the night before. The news would, of course, spread quickly: “Dude, did you hear about Rob? He totally fucked Shelly last night.” The freshly laid, like a king holding court, was expected to give a speech to buoy the spirits of the pussyless peasants. At the pulpit, he was like a sexual shaman, sharing all of his amorous wisdom between bites of meatloaf, revealing in great detail the ways he ravaged the smoking-hot cheerleader, and how he’ll likely have to replace the upholstery in his car because it’s riddled with cum stains. After all, sex is a status symbol. Getting laid meant that a guy had crossed over and was now worthy of a plaque near the sports trophies to be admired by future generations.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the cafeteria, the cheerleader was telling an entirely different story altogether. Her version suggested that while the two did, in fact, spend some time in the backseat of his car, there wasn’t any actual sex. Oh, they might have fooled around a little, but they certainly didn’t go all the way. Hence, the sex didn’t happen.
Fast-forward to today, and it’s abundantly clear that the definition of sex is still pretty slippery. Scan the multitudes of sex therapists and influencers (and discouragers) on TikTok, and it’s readily apparent that sex is now defined by whatever an individual thinks it is or isn’t. Some sex experts have taken to social media to advocate against “PIV” encounters (Penis in Vagina), arguing that most women don’t have orgasms from them anyway, so they should probably spend their time getting pleasured through alternative means.
“This guy I had been talking to in college came over and we were going to have sex. He stuck it in, then immediately pulled out….Technically, we did it, because, you know, there was contact, but I don’t count that one.”