A new study offers evidence that guys with smaller dicks might compensate for it by driving sports cars. But is it true? We put women in the driver’s seat to share their experiences on the matter.
Driving down the highway, it’s not hard to see who’s a raging douchebag and who isn’t. At least, presumably. We can make a lot of assumptions about a person based on the kind of car they drive. The dude in a rusted-out 1979 Monte Carlo with duct tape keeping the hood from flying off; that bastard hasn’t held a steady job in years, owes more in child support than most people’s annual income and will go to jail at least twice this year for DUI. Further down the road, the minivan with a bumper sticker that reads “My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student” is being driven by a chain-smoking foster mom with a mullet who had a shot of Jim Beam for breakfast and will inevitably get tossed out of Walmart later in the day for taking a dump in front of the cashier. The man driving the Chevy Corvette? Well, it is to be surmised that he’s got a little dick riding shotgun.
Listen, that’s not us being judgmental pricks. Science is the one lumping dudes with an affinity for sports cars into the category of the diminutive dong. Researchers at the University College London have reportedly “found evidence that when men were manipulated to feel that they had a relatively small penis, they ranked sports cars as more desirable.”
Without getting overly scientific here—it makes our brains hurt anyway—the latest results uphold the law of natural selection. It’s not that driving around in a sports car ensures the survival of the male species, but owning one can make a guy more attractive. For some, owning high-performance vehicles might seem like the only way they can get laid. And there might be something to this conjecture. After all, Charles Darwin theorized that the size of a peacock’s feathers is what defined it as the top cock of the flock. Previous studies have also shown that women often find men more attractive if they are standing next to a sports car. All told, flashy rides can serve as cover for a man’s low self-esteem. Who doesn’t feel like a badass with 670 horsepower under the hood? Men with poor self-images are infamous for gravitating toward luxury items to enhance their appeal to the opposite sex. That can be cars, clothing, accessories…anything that will boost his perceived fuckability.
But is there any truth to the idea that men who drive sports cars are overcompensating for their perceived teeny wieners? Well, if you ask the ladies, there just might be. “I’ve dated men who’ve driven nice cars, like BMW and Mercedes, and some that pulled up in beaters,” Jessa, a 33-year-old dancer from Waterbury, Connecticut, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “The guys in expensive cars always try really hard to impress you. Like too hard. They go out of their way to show you that they’re the alpha. It’s not so much that they have [smaller] dicks, but they usually aren’t anything special.”
