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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Featured Article

Them Crooked Boners

Is there a slight curve in your crotch-cannon? Fear not; it’s probably nothing to worry about and definitely nothing to be ashamed of—and it might just give you an advantage in the bedroom!

When the organisms destined to become man crawled out of the sea and started sprouting dongs, the mission was clear: Find the life form with those tight snatches and start knocking them up, son! But once the boys dried off a little and set out to pillage the beaches, they noticed something odd about the baby-makers they were bestowed with—not only were some bigger than others, but there also seemed to be some disparity in the symmetries. Some pointed to the heavens, while other cocks were crooked. They curved to the left or veered to the right. 

For obvious reasons, the boys with the bent wangs felt like they had been gypped by their creator. Why else would they be victimized by a stiff dose of evolutionary fuckery? And, even in 2022, that genital conundrum remains a mystery.

Truth is, though, that having a bowed boner is nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, there are a lot of men these days in their 20s and 30s that can’t even get it up without a shot of pharmaceutical Fix-A-Flat, so if you’ve got a curved cock, so what? Just be thankful that it still works. And here’s another thing to consider: It might earn you bonus points with the gal you’re banging!

“The up curve is the best. It has an easier time hitting the internal G-spot than others.”


The women we talked to about the pleasure derived from wonky dongs say the bends of one’s manhood can sometimes get them off with more intensity than those packing linear meat. Olivia from Southern Indiana tells that she has an affinity for contorted trouser badgers.

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