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May 2024

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Featured Article

The Wrong Silent Type

For various reasons, lots of guys are reluctant to make some noise when they’re getting busy—much to their ladies’ chagrin. Here’s why it’s a good idea to pump up the fucking volume.

In the arena of aphrodisia, men desperately want the human equivalent of a horny jaguar that fucks like she’s got two vaginas. You know the kind of girl I’m talking about. The one who doesn’t just lay there the entire time like she’s trying to solve the Collatz conjecture. Men want a lady who’ll buck and flop and flip and grind and twist, as if she’s got to keep moving to avoid being snuffed out by poachers. 

Above all else, men want their she-beasts loud. That’s right; if she’s not hooting and hollering at volumes high enough to get the neighbors to call 911 for a murder in the building, she’s not doing it even close to right. Rowdy women, at least in the bedroom, get a man’s dick harder than if he was mainlining Viagra. The more she yells, the more he twitches. Sex is just better when the coital commotion blasting from her throat is jarring enough that your ears start ringing like Metallica just played a sold-out show from the bedroom.  

However, men typically don’t reciprocate in the volume department. Nope, a lot of dudes just pump away in silence, like there is trouble to be had—perhaps the same they might endure if they don’t take the trash to the curb on Monday morning—if they get too loud. 

Which is really to their detriment. Little do they know, but women, too, get turned on by a partner who moans, screams and cusses in the throes of passion. The silent type might be full of charm and allure with his clothes on, but not during naked time. “When all I can hear is the mattress bouncing off the wall, it’s a turn-off,” Angela, a 32-year-old from Clanton, Alabama, tells “Where’s the passion?”

Somewhere around 94% of women claim they’re louder than their men in the sack. Dr. Stacy Friedman, clinical sexologist, certified sex coach and author of the book Confessions & Lessons of a Sexpert: The Ultimate Guide to Intimacy and Better Sex, tells that a man’s silence is often due to societal perceptions. “If a guy is showing an emotional response, they may feel that it makes them weak or girly to share how they are feeling, even during sex,” she says. “They feel like they are more manly or stronger if they can just do it with no feeling attached.” 

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