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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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July 2022

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The Best She’s Ever Had?
Featured Article

The Best She’s Ever Had?

Yes, you’d like to believe that you’re better than all of the other guys your woman has banged. No, you probably aren’t. Here’s how to get past your ego and on to a more satisfying sex life with your partner, no matter where you rank on her list.

A man’s ego can be crushed in one vicious blow. Often, in our narcissistic quest for confirmation that we are the best sex our partners ever had, dudes learn that they’re not even close. Oh, sure, the ladies might attempt to candy-coat the tragic news by spewing some nonsense like, “But it’s better with you because we’re in love,” or, “That’s not important to me.” But the truth always comes out. 

Truth is, most of us poor bastards would probably rank somewhere in the vicinity of fourth place. Of course, fragile men can’t handle such a punch to the pride. Men, most of us anyway, are a complicated breed. We’re more sensitive than we’re willing to admit, full of squishy feelings that we don’t want to talk about. We are also competitive beasts by nature—we’re not playing for the losing team, got it? We’re tree-pissers. Territorial. Cavemen with better teeth. Usually.

Therefore, learning that we didn’t make the woman we love come like that football player did back in college doesn’t sit well with us. This is our house, goddamnit, and we’re not about to play second fiddle to some pretty boy from our woman’s past with abs and a 12-inch dong. And we damn sure aren’t going to sleep tonight knowing we rank fourth!

“I’ve always believed I was the greatest,” 26-year-old Jed of Corsicana, Texas, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “Never the best-looking or even most well-endowed, but I doubt many have my level of passion for pleasing. Obviously, I understand that’s statistically not likely, but in my gut, I truly believe it.”

But hey, if a man doesn’t have Jed’s faith in his fucking, the best way to learn where he ranks is to start making inquiries. That’s what they say, right? There are no stupid questions, only stupid responses. Still, maybe we shouldn’t apply this logic when it comes to porking, says Nicoletta Heidegger, licensed marriage and family therapist, and host of the podcast Sluts and Scholars

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